Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   not a mover and a shaker but instead I'm a wiggler and jiggler.

   wonders if a bunch of Shamwows will help clean up the spill in the Gulf

   : Dont you just wish you could go back to being a kid and let the adults take care of the problems that they created for themselves?

   copying your profile picture so I can put it in my wallet and pretend its my girlfriend

   Rihanna wants a rude boy...Didnt she get her a$$ whooped by one already?

   A recent 100 million dollar study conducted by Harvard University just discovered that running out of money may be the main cause for Bankruptcy.

   Taking a picture of a flower does not make you a photographer......

   Was trying to sign up for a website... It ask me what state I lived in... I couldn't find confusion nowhere in the drop box...

   Did I just say that! Or did I think it! Damn they spotted me..

   One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions

   will never wear a red shirt at target again.

   KFC want you to buy a Bucket of obesity and heart attack inducing food for Breast Cancer? COME ON SON!!

   Some people have an inflated view of their importance in my life.

   my girl said she needed some space, so I shipped her off to NASA

   There are female hormones in beer. You gain weight, talk too much and can't drive.

   I saw the Dow plunged yesterday due to the debt in Greece.. So I thought to myself...Maybe the Greeks wouldn't be so broke if they would just stop having those big fat weddings...Just sayin..

   off to FL for an oil change! What a "crude" joke.

   I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.

   Just once I'd like to attend a formal state function and hear the butler at the top of the stairs announce Lady and Sir Mixalot.

   I'm no a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure "He started it," is a legit defense.