Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm such a procrastinator, I'm just now getting around to worrying about Zika Virus.

   Since the stores are all sold out... I'm thinking maybe Trump can get us some of those paper towels back he gave to Puerto Rico.

   If there's one place I can't stand... It's an ice rink!

   We need a "stable genius" that understands you can call news and people fake but you can't call a virus fake. This fake virus has wiped out more than 50% of the three years of market gains in two weeks. Who you gonna call? Obama busters....

   markets will be back by April knucklehead below

   I'll start worrying about a virus just as soon as the Germans make one. Nothing made in China is going to put me down.

   Why are all these farmers committing suicide in the midwest area? This is sad.

   BREAKING: Snow White is down to 6 Dwarves.. Sneezy was just placed in quarantine.

   Some people aren’t shaking hands because of the Coronavirus. I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.

   aaargh ... just what I need is for my Wife to have another reason to demand I stay at least six feet away from her at all times.

   Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.

   It's gotten so bad that Trump has reached out to Puerto Rico and asked for the paper towels back..

   I've always known my lifetime of alienating friends and family would one day pay off.

   I saved 15 per cent on my insurance by switching to haiku.

   Some people aren't shaking hands because of the Corona virus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone's almost out of toilet paper.

   One day we'll all be just a memory in people's lives, the trick is to make sure you do everything humanly possible to be a good memory. By, The cashier at Chipotle

   I hope everyone who bought 27 bottles of disinfectant realized that we all need to wipe our hands for them to be protected.

   New pickup line: hey why don't you come back to my place, I have toilet paper😉

   I'm praying... that those who bought up all the water and TP get the Coronavirus first, and experience it in it's most severe form.

   The corconavirus was originally gonna invade the USA but ChucK Norris kicked kicked so hard it landed in Chinaso hard