Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5929 of 6370
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker...
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05-11-2010 17:26 by Joser
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Somebody slipped a hangover in my drink last night
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05-11-2010 17:25 by Joser
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Playboy in 3-D! Take that, 18 billion hours of free, readily available Internet porn.
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05-11-2010 17:22 by Joser
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I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
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05-11-2010 17:21 by paulb808
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haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
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05-11-2010 17:18 by pailb808
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Dear gigantic flock of birds chirping loudly in the parking lot sh*ting all over my car, There's still more north left... Go annoy Canada...
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05-11-2010 17:16 by Joser
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I just read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them...
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05-11-2010 17:14
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Someone at work said to me, "Inquiring minds want to know if you have a boyfriend" I said, "Yes, I do, but don't tell my husband."
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05-11-2010 17:11
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If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.
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05-11-2010 17:08 by CJ
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I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool!!
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05-11-2010 17:06
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Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me-- no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make.
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05-11-2010 17:05
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Dear Facebook, Please stop asking me what's on my mind. I'm gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you.
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05-11-2010 17:02
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I have a busy day ahead... I have trouble to start; rumors to spread and people to argue with.
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05-11-2010 16:59
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If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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05-11-2010 16:57
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18.I'd call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.
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05-11-2010 16:56
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11.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
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05-11-2010 16:51
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1.Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
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05-11-2010 16:49 by CJ
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If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food
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05-11-2010 16:44
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When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only I suffer!!!
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05-11-2010 16:39 by CJ
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Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
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05-11-2010 15:29 by paulb808
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