Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just finished writing "Cyber Monday does NOT mean what I thought it meant" 100,000x Can I go home now Sister Rose?

   Old people can sleep through anything. Betting this chainsaw says differently.

   Got 99 problems but your being so hot can solve sex of them.

   Life was easier and simpler when I was apart of the Sheepeople herd.

   Can Travelocity help me find a vacant womb for the weekend?

   Don't you wish your stalker was hot like me? Don't you wish your stalker was far like me? Don't you?

   You ever fart so loud that your ex-girlfriend calls you to see how you're doing?

   whip it ! whip it real good !

   Do your Moobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro?

   wondering why people say "Bring it!" in a fight. Bring what?

   thought it was called physical education, not physical movement!

   The teacher told Pepito to make sentences with his spelling words: the womans body is nice budwieser face so ugly?

   Happy Nurses (and students) Day!!! *that doesnt apply to Nurse Sharks though!

   I love how everyone seems to be able to sing on facebook *singing*

   The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!

   practicing karate. You know - waxing on and off, painting the fence, sanding the floor,

   dont make love in your back garden! love is blind but ur neighbours arnt!!

   when life throws you a lemon add the tequila and the salt !!

   Ever notice no matter how hard you try, you still say Reese's PEECIES instead of pieces?

   Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker....