Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5908 of 6370
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
A cop walks up to the car, " you know why I'm standing here?" "Because you got all C's in highschool?"
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05-20-2010 22:18
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went in to Zoomers tonight for a pack of gum and the clerk asked if I had gas? I told her I did earlier but I was feeling fine now. Some people do not have a sense of humor
So if I get stopped by a cop in AZ and they ask me "Papers" and I respond "Scissors!", who wins?
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05-20-2010 21:48 by David B
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wondering... if my mom fell down in the woods would all the trees laugh?
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05-20-2010 21:17 by soupy
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You all wouldn't know funny if it came down and slaped you upside ur wall..
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05-20-2010 21:04 by Wolf
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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05-20-2010 20:36 by one
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Today my heart will do all my thinking. It gets free reign to walk barefoot in the grass.
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05-20-2010 19:58 by byteme
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Toothbrush: "Sometimes I think I have the worst job in the world!" Toilet paper " Yeah,right."
thinks that I could have a very successful career a male model. Unfortunately, I would have to be the "before" picture. Eh, its a living.
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05-20-2010 18:26 by Don
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I know you need a wish right now, wish right now .. but quit postin song lyrics on my wall !
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05-20-2010 17:41 by randy
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Yes, I admit it. I want to see the Dalai Lama arm wrestle the Pope...
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05-20-2010 16:39 by Joser
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Stupid bloody garbage trucks waking me up at noon.
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05-20-2010 16:38 by Joser
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I'm petitioning Crayola to replace the "burnt orange" crayon with "burnt snooki"
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05-20-2010 16:38 by Joser
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Some people use the power of positive thinking..... others you can be positive that they're not thinking
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05-20-2010 16:32
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Sorry, quoting bible scriptures to me isnt going to convince me. I could quote "Stars Wars" or "Twilight" and it would be just as profound.
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05-20-2010 16:15 by Tracy
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thinkin of sending obama a cabbage patch kid for fathers day not because he plays with dolls tho I thought he could use the birth certificate!
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05-20-2010 15:44 by soupy
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If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder so many people miss opportunities. They answer the door, not the window.
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05-20-2010 15:31
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As Americans we should fight like hell for the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, but then choose not to.
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05-20-2010 15:17 by Tracy
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I wonder if I shipped off a couple of Gold Fish to Cash for Gold,, would I get any $$$$?
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05-20-2010 15:00
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