Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you hear about the Chinese parents who gave birth to a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong."

   You know you're getting old if you look at an iPad and think "doesn't that look like an Etch-a-Sketch?"

   prays to God "Give us Michael Jackson back, take Justin Beiber instead"

   Why does Facebook ask what's on my mind...I am a male of the species so it should be bloody obvious!

   The "Oprah Winfrey show" ends in 2011. No wonder the Americans think the world will end in 2012.

   Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts

   Next person who says "it's not the heat, it's the humidity" will learn that it's not my fist, but the impact.

   Jogging backwards because I'm trying to gain a little weight

   Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall

   My first laptop was an Etch-A-Sketch.

   If uve ever noticed this notice you will probably notice that this notice was not worth noticing.......:P

   Seriously... Something to do before 2010 is over. Come out of the closet. Everyone's got the gaydar on you already. (It will only hurt a little!) ;)

   Dont you hate it when Madonna steals you from an african village!

   I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.

   Dont worry, if we do all die in 2012... at least Justin Beiber dies also ..

   What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? el-if-i-no

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!

   confesses he only watches "Dancing with The Stars" for the boobs.

   I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.

   1852 was a great year, they found the cure for stupidity .... a smith and wesson