Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5891 of 6370
A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, ‘You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you.'   The drunk replies,  ‘Boobs.'Â
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05-28-2010 01:11 by Pacumbo
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A WOMAN'S FOUR FAVORITE ANIMALS:  A mink in the closet , a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an a*s  to pay for it all !
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05-28-2010 01:09 by Pacumbo
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me, ‘What's on the TV?'  I said, ‘Dust.'
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05-28-2010 01:07 by Pacumbo
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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05-28-2010 01:03 by Pacumbo
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If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque book
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05-28-2010 00:56 by Pacumbo
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the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”
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05-28-2010 00:44 by Pacumbo
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Drinking Non-Alcoholic Beer Is Like Going Down On Your Cousin, It Tastes The Same But It's Just Wrong
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05-27-2010 23:58
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reminds you that the proper abbreviation for Sex and the City is SATC2, not Sex...Stop inviting me to go watch sex with you.
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05-27-2010 23:48 by Shawnee
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Listening to Jimmy Buffet all day is giving me some unproductive ideas that might get me fired.
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05-27-2010 22:29
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I wonder if children who stutter are the result of pregnant women using vibrators.
A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
changed his profile picture. Now I look a little less ugly
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05-27-2010 21:55 by BEGO
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My journey of a thousand miles began with a single step. But I had the wrong shoes on and now i've gone back a few paces.
Summer! Summer! Summer.. you make us beautiful and free spirited! ☼
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05-27-2010 20:15
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A man has been admitted to hospital with HYPOTHERMIA AND FROSTBITES after he was left CHILLING at HOME for the whole day by his wife! A COLD CASE FILE has been opened!
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05-27-2010 20:08 by Mduduzi
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I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.
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05-27-2010 19:58
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If at first you don't succeed, you should have done it like I told you to do it in the first place!
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05-27-2010 19:13
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In response to using hay as an option to absorb the oil spill, Joe Biden said today that it was a great idea, and the seahorses and seacows would likely enjoy the delicious hay....
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05-27-2010 18:46 by jg
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When the forecast mentions isolated thunderstorms, I always think, "Why so emo, thunderstorm?"
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05-27-2010 18:13 by Joser
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The happiest sentence, ruined by one word: I'm getting laid. Off.
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05-27-2010 18:13 by Joser
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