Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her $hit.

   Beauty is only a light switch away.

   cooler than the other side of the pillow! :P

   Burger King and Dairy Queen live in a White Castle, down the street from the Golden Arch and they have a daughter named Wendy.

   at a BP gas station pumping gas.. somebody got to support SMALL businesses!

   Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

   Anything that is not about elephants is irrelphant.

   Just been watching some paralympic basketball. The shooting and passing is pretty crap but the dribbling is amazing.

   I Hate It When I Go To Bed And Forget To Turn My Swag Off.

   You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies... You may trod me in the very dirt... But still, like the dust, I'll rise!

   it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?

   Why do men name their penis? They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions.

   The 186th rule of Fight Club is there is no such thing as a male BFF...!

   got a new toilet brush, I tried it, but I think I'm going to stick with the paper.

   I think Myspace can be unblocked at work now. Facebook takes up most of my time there anyway.

   Panty lines are so nasty, your a grown a$s woman sh!t put on a thong, g-string, boy shorts, or go panty less if you have too

   i can not take away your storms of life but I can help you dance through the puddles!!!

   wondering why men cheat on the wifey type for a hoe and when they get the hoe they want the wifey type back

   spent yet another day successfully converting oxygen to carbon dioxide.

   what did 50 cent say to his Grandma who was sewing a Sweater ?? Gee-You-Knit !!!!