Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet you I could stop gambling

   I almost landed a huge fish when my line snapped. It was a reel disappointment...

   why is it that when I see a pregnant woman and her man, I always tend to picture them having sex??

   I want to tell you about my dream last night. I don't understand it. It was Greek to me....Έχετε λάβει η στιγμή να μεταφράσει αυτό το όνειρο; έχετε ανάγκη από βοήθεια.

   Two chinese people had an albino baby last week. Turns out two Wongs do make a white.

   Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   it just me, or does cocaine smell really, really good?

   Rest in Peace Jimmy Dean. . . Your sausage will never be the same... ( I am not sure I like the sounds of this post after typing it ) Admit it.. You ALL LOVE HIS SAUSAGE!

   Ask for the B.P special at Red Lobster. Shrimp Scampi and a free oil change.

   Why is it one you always wish for is out there somewhere...just waiting for the right time for you both to meet..and it will happen when you least expect it... :)

   there is no status update....only zuul

   Just read that BP was working on a sponsorship deal with the English goal keeper! Apparently there was a leak on both sides and the deal never happened!

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me

   Don't EVER fight for someone who wouldn't damn fight for you.

   still waiting for the latest Toy Story movie to come out... Its called Adult Toy Story. It gives a totally new meaning to "Buzz" and "Woody".

   mad because the government took away my Weapon of Mass Destruction.

   that the word "studying" comes from the words "students dying".

   hit a parked car while texting. Even sadder, I was WALKING.

   I just noticed that all the girls I've ever been with all had one major thing in common.. 10's become 2's on day 2."

   People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world"