Tjshome.com
Funny Status Messages
Submit Status
TJ's Blog
Image Filters
Contact US
Submit a Status Message
Funny Status Messages
Sort:
Recent
|
Oldest
|
Rating
Search Messages:
«Prev
«1
5847
5848
5849
5850
5851
5852
5853
5854
6369
Next»
Page: 5851 of 6369
Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
12
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 13:46
Comments (
0
)
*Gets bit by spider* *I don't get powers* *Spider develops bags under all eight eyes and starts yelling at my kids*
11
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 13:46
Comments (
0
)
The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.
25
3
←Rate |
09-26-2019 13:46
Comments (
0
)
There's 2 types of people in this world, people who give 110%, and the people who passed 4th grade math.
7
1
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:27
Comments (
0
)
I think we see so many men with long beards nowadays because nobody can afford those Gillette replacement blades.
18
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:27
Comments (
0
)
Before Facebook I had to disappoint people in person
12
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:28
Comments (
0
)
The theme from Jaws plays eerily in the distance, only to reveal me approaching an open bar at a wedding.
11
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:29
Comments (
0
)
Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from "Stranger Things" now.
12
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:30
Comments (
0
)
It's widely known that some members of a prison population become well-read and crafty with words. Sometimes you can mix prose with cons.
3
1
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:30
Comments (
0
)
*Lying in hospital Doctor)Your back is broken in 6 places. You may never walk again Me)At least I got all the groceries in one trip
6
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:30
Comments (
0
)
COWORKER: Walking is better for your knees than running. ME: Hammocking is better than both.
6
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:32
Comments (
0
)
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
34
5
←Rate |
09-26-2019 15:33
Comments (
0
)
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he won't come to you anyway.
4
6
←Rate |
09-26-2019 16:17
Comments (
0
)
Dating is like garage sales where everything looks great from a distance but up close you realize it's just someone else's garbage you don't need.
14
2
←Rate |
09-26-2019 22:49
Comments (
0
)
Laughs, joy, rainbows, outstanding, butterflies, sunlight, weekends, love, cheers, relaxing, Saturdays, extraordinary, hilarious, moonlight, optimistic, peaceful, romance - Just changing my Facebook algorithms with keywords to see happier posts!
9
2
←Rate |
09-27-2019 01:56
Comments (
0
)
Car washes are just another shower to cry in.
16
2
←Rate |
09-27-2019 05:40 by
kisstoper707
Comments (
0
)
[At work] What can I do to pass the time?
6
2
←Rate |
09-27-2019 06:57
Comments (
0
)
Just downloaded the new Samuel L Jackson voice to my Echo, now it wont quit asking me "whats in my wallet"...
16
2
←Rate |
09-27-2019 09:09 by
SEAN
Comments (
1
)
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself... I really need to wash some mugs.
23
3
←Rate |
09-27-2019 17:55 by
DJJackson
Comments (
0
)
I always regret making a good first impression. Because there's no way I can keep that up for long.
31
4
←Rate |
09-27-2019 22:35 by
Gripenfelter
Comments (
0
)
«Prev
«1
5847
5848
5849
5850
5851
5852
5853
5854
6369
Next»
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:
X says
X is
X was
X has
X
...
characters left
Read the Rules
Site Links
Home
Funny Status Messages
Status Message Generator
TJ's Blog
About Tjshome
Contact Us
Privacy
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com