Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only way to know a relationship is going well, when she feels comfortable taking a dump at your place
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to Fart Quietly Again
←Rate | 03-09-2018 04:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac
←Rate | 03-09-2018 07:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I'm feeling down and someone says "Keep your chin up!" I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and tell them "Walk it off!"
←Rate | 03-09-2018 07:47 Comments (3)  

   messageicon Spring is acting like a deadbeat dad... like are you coming or not.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 09:02 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Uh oh...FOX News report claims Ivanka, Kushner, Kelly, McMaster are on departure list from the White House. So much mixed emotions.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 16:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  

   messageicon National meatball day. A day in the honor of David Dennison
←Rate | 03-09-2018 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't run from my problems.i sit on the couch,play with my phone,and ignore them like all other adults.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 23:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2 idians running water and falling rocks went hunting in the mountains But only running water returned back to the tribe A scout went looking for falling rocks but never found him And to this day you'll see signs in the mountains watchout for falling rock
←Rate | 03-10-2018 01:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams
←Rate | 03-10-2018 04:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar
←Rate | 03-10-2018 04:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Just kidding!" is one of the biggest lies there is......
←Rate | 03-10-2018 04:27 Comments (5)  

   messageicon The forest was shrinking yet trees kept voting for the AXE because its handle was made of wood and they thought it was one of them.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 06:25 by @kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be a good person, but don’t waste time proving it.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 08:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon From Cuddly to Stabby in 60 seconds. - a memoir
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I respect you, liquor store shopping cart user.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember back when my "car seat" was the back window shelf of my mom's 63 Plymouth Valiant
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chameleon cashiers give the best change
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:13 Comments (0)  

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