Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5835 of 6370
wants to know where in the rhyme it says Humpty Dumpty is an egg!
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06-20-2010 06:58
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welcomes you to her profile. Straight jackets are by the wall, meds are in the boxes. Enjoy your stay, and please visit again!
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06-20-2010 06:31
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went to the supermarket to buy some fresh food but could only find dead animals & plants...
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06-20-2010 01:26 by Scott
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marriage is really tough cause you have to deal with feelings....and lawyers
teaching my dog to remove comdoms like I taught it to remove my socks wasn't a real smart idea... Just saying, thats all... =\
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06-19-2010 22:32
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After all the years of using condoms, it was only today I realized what the little bit on the end is really for... It's to put your foot on, to get the tight ba$tard off! Or maybe that's just me?
Sometimes I try to masturbate long words into my jokes, even if I don't know what they mean.
The kids nowadays don't realize how lucky they are when it comes to porn. They can switch on the computer and have vast amounts in seconds. When I was a kid, I used to have a wank when I typed the digits 5318008 into a calculator.
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06-19-2010 21:09
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got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
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06-19-2010 19:45 by Aaron
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I think the real question by now is: What is a Klondike Bar going to do for me?
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06-19-2010 19:43 by Aaron
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A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
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06-19-2010 19:35 by Aaron
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Well, at least the war on the environment is going well...
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06-19-2010 19:34 by Aaron
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Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
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06-19-2010 19:33 by Aaron
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A North Carolina waitress was fired for complaining on Facebook about a small tip she received. A lesson to all servers who like to post online complaints: write them where they'll never be seen — on MySpace.
Nothing improves creativity more than a lack of supervision.
I try to be tolerant but then other people go and mess it up.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
I wish I could chop off my fat with a knife, I would rather endure that than a workout!
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06-19-2010 17:00
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You're like a cloud: once you f*ck off,it's a nice day.
It's true, our country sucks at soccer....but at least our kids aren't starving!
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06-19-2010 16:04
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