Funny Status Messages

   I would like the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a bottle of Jack Daniels as a backup plan.

   Quitting Facebook is the new, adult version of running away from home. We all know you're doing it for attention and we all know that you'll be back.

   When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is..." I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.

   Saw a sign at the hospital that said "Family Planning.... Use Rear Entrance". I thought it was good advice.

   needs a Facebook button that says "What you just posted makes me want to stab you."

   I used to have a voice just like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.

   the nashnul spelling bee champion

   it me or is Tosh.0 the greatest freaking show since Flavor of Love???...

   Just wants to make it clear...white men leave their kids too...

   written what you are reading

   don't it look more Spacious in here without the rug?

   Im not saying all IPhone users are douchbags. I am simply saying all douchbags are IPhone users =)

   Women should come with Miranda Rights....because if you say the wrong thing, it will come back to haunt you!

   getting into shape; and the shape I have chosen is 'Circle'...all done. And I thought this getting into shape thing was going to be hard.

   feed the homeless to the hungry, 2 problems solved......

   An Englishman walks into a bar. The American knocks him out, takes his girlfriend, and lives happily ever after. The end.

   let's get 1 thing straight...i work for a living,..i dont live for workin'

   2 englishmen walk into a dentist... That is it...

   thinks you should probably just let your "Honor Roll" student drive, cause you're very obviously an idiot.

   just saw an ugly, pregnant woman and thought, "Good for you."