Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5829 of 6370
I think I am going to try the Pizza, Chicken Fingers and Little Debbie diet. That's all my daughter eats and not an ounce of fat on her.
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06-23-2010 17:24
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I really hate people who breathe too hard... I can hear you breathing and that is a problem.
Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't.
going to snatch a kiss, or vice versa!
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06-23-2010 15:56
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Other countries would fear us more if, instead of a nickname for a holding cell, the "Drunk Tank" were an actual weapon.
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06-23-2010 15:40 by Leeferd
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Every time I see that one mattress commercial that attempts to gross you out by saying your mattress doubles in weight after 8 years due to dust mites, sweat and dead skin. I always think to myself, why leave out the big contributing factor? Happy Endings
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06-23-2010 15:25 by Raymond
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Love is like a soccer ball, everybody runs to have that ball, and when they have it they kick it away..
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06-23-2010 15:02 by BEGO
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rattlesnakes and condoms. 2 things I dont fu*k with.
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06-23-2010 14:59
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Dont buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...
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06-23-2010 14:36 by BEGO
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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how mad are you?
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06-23-2010 13:58 by Shashant
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Usually when a President has a highway named after him he is already dead. I guess the people of Orlando have ESP?
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06-23-2010 13:48
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Ladies, when a man tells you that you're one in a million, don't get too flattered. That means there is about 6,500 more of you on Earth.
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06-23-2010 10:17
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all about sharing...I'll eat the hotdog if you eat the bun
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06-23-2010 09:08
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eating carrots and watching porn. Something *seriously* went wrong with my weekend
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06-23-2010 09:08
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there's no "I" in gang bang
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06-23-2010 08:33 by levon
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Funny....I don't remember eating corn...?
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06-23-2010 07:38
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- Thankfull its only blood. Thought I was a tomato!!!
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06-23-2010 03:43
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ask me what I like about you, 15 drinks from now .
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06-23-2010 01:50
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Pushed humpty Dumpty and also was the reason Jack fell down and broke his crown. While I was at it I stole the cookies from the cookie jar and let the dogs out. So there........
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06-23-2010 01:24
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You can't say your girlfriend is a multi-tasker but she likes gangbangs!
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06-22-2010 23:13 by mhenry
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