Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

   Give peace a chance. Move to a new town and don't tell your relatives.

   I'm just not that into you.....when I'm sober.

   how IRONIC hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words

   What part of Floccinaucinihilipilification dont you understand?

   just watched World Cup Highlights of all the goals scored. That's 43 seconds of my life I will never get back!

   now knows what happened to Michael Jackson. South Africa made thousands of vuvuzela horns out of him.

   I don't run from hurricanes, I drink them.........

   ...just heard that the Jackson family has asked, In honor of the 1-year anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson, that all child actors wear their pants at "half-staff" today...

   in honor of Michael Jackson, I think I will start the day off with the famous "crazy feet" dance and end with grabbing my foster home sack!!

   ... the weather guy just said, "We'll keep you up to breast" instead of "abreast." Guess this heat is getting to him, too ...

   A ducks opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether or not I have any bread.

   I never knew how corny some of my friends were before I added them on Facebook.

   on a scale of 1 to justin bieber , how gay are you?

   sarcastic comment loading... ████████████ 95% ... wait for it... wait for it..

   --^v--^v--^v--^v-_____^v--^v--^v-- For a second there, I was bored to death

   learned to never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   iPhone 4: Loses bars when you hold it, gets lost in bars when you don't.

   When I'm drunk you're hot, when I'm not, you're not.