Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
←Rate | 08-16-2009 22:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 22:05 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 22:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decisions make good stories
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:12 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:11 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize your wrong.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:08 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
←Rate | 08-16-2009 20:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hungry but not for food!!
←Rate | 08-16-2009 19:25 by pz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon dosn't believe in love at first sight he prefers to talk a second look!!
←Rate | 08-16-2009 19:21 by pz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon dosn't believe in love at first sight he prefers to talk a second look!!
←Rate | 08-16-2009 19:19 by pz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon says a cannibal is someone who goes to a resturant and orders the waiter!!
←Rate | 08-16-2009 19:18 by pz Comments (0)  


   messageicon believes days off are a mixture of relief you aint there and annoyed you have to go back
←Rate | 08-16-2009 17:58 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon taking a train to the land of make believe
←Rate | 08-16-2009 17:51 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want a happy ending... that implies something has to end..I want a fantastic right now! !! Oh, but wait. I've heard happy endings can be good!! I need to check into that!
←Rate | 08-16-2009 12:59 by Kevvy Kev & the funky bunch | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trust me...Even if I gave a sh*t I wouldnt give it to you!
←Rate | 08-16-2009 11:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon running through your veins like a habit you can't kick
←Rate | 08-15-2009 20:52 by Hayley | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


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