Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Kevin Durant just announced he's signing with the Eagles.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 09:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin' spoon!"
←Rate | 02-05-2018 10:45 by Crewz Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I saw the stock market plummet, I may have overreacted a bit by eating my neighbors cat...
←Rate | 02-05-2018 19:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Double negatives are a no-no.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (2)  

   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing like watching the FB movies and seeing the highlights of" most liked posts" of your fiance' with other girlfriends
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Google before you post" is the new "think before you speak"
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook is taking up too much of my time, I'm taking a break. I'll be back after I go get my coffee
←Rate | 02-06-2018 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently during one of the celebrations/riots in Philadelphia someone was arrested for punching a police horse. The man spent the night in jail while the horse was listed a being in “stable “ condition.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 15:14 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rumor has it there's a Tesla floating out in space somewhere. Finders keepers!!!
←Rate | 02-06-2018 18:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kylie Jenner named her baby Stormy... So let me get this straight.... The Kardashians now have a Stormy, North, Chicago with a Saint?!
←Rate | 02-06-2018 18:49 by ChrisBosley Comments (0)  

   messageicon idk why the amazon CEO doesn't cal l himself the "Amazon Prime Minister"
←Rate | 02-06-2018 19:06 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eagles deflated tom brady
←Rate | 02-06-2018 21:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon had a mix up at the store today when the cashier asked me to strip down facing her she apparently was talking about my debit card..
←Rate | 02-07-2018 05:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ran out of post-it notes, now I don't know how to remind myself to buy more.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 07:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If David Letterman moves to Canada, does he have to change his last name?
←Rate | 02-07-2018 09:06 by markf Comments (1)  

   messageicon I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
←Rate | 02-07-2018 10:28 by MDS Comments (1)  

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