Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon it a bad thing that Siri does not recognize my voice unless I have food in my mouth?
←Rate | 12-22-2017 18:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be boyfriend material, but I am use me for sex material. . .
←Rate | 12-22-2017 20:42 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase "hooray for our side" was coin by men who watched lady Godiva ride her horse side saddle.
←Rate | 12-22-2017 22:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
←Rate | 12-22-2017 23:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you said you were gay.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 01:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 03:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you never climbed across the living room furniture as a child, pretending the floor was made out of lava, or built a fort out of cushions and blankets, you didn't have a real childhood.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 12:19 by Gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 13:21 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend Polly Esther never complains.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 18:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that we have to buy trash bags just to throw those same bags in the trash is why I'm angry today...
←Rate | 12-23-2017 18:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon just had a near-work experience...
←Rate | 12-23-2017 21:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon guitar for sale - no strings attached.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 21:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is Santa so jolly? Cause he knows where all the naughty girls live.
←Rate | 12-23-2017 23:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon my mind used to be like a steel trap, now it's like the cart you get at the store with the bad wheel
←Rate | 12-24-2017 09:58 by Dp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really hope that I don't get another sweater for Christmas. I'd much prefer a moaner or a screamer. lol!
←Rate | 12-24-2017 12:22 by @slopoker21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How was the winter solstice? I missed it because the stores were out of solstice glasses
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:17 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is the first good sized snow fall of the season and honestly the weather on TV is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a two.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:21 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I must be getting old. Since when does 2 to 4 inches of snow become a winter storm warning? Back when I was a kid, we just called flurries, and we complained it wasn't enough to even have a good snowball fight, let along close schools.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (2)  


   messageicon Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On Dasher, on Dancer, on Master Card and Visa.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 20:20 Comments (0)  


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