Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Who else, when they buy a magazine with a CD on the front, picks off the glue that holds it in place and rolls it around their fingers like it's some kind of mega snot?
←Rate | 10-14-2009 04:05 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got my gf a bag and a belt for her birthday. She wasn't happy, but the hoover works fine now
←Rate | 10-14-2009 04:01 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon What has 10 brain cells, 200 legs and 400 children? Jeremy Kyle's Audience.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 03:51 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 03:48 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon │▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒│ scratch it! The jackpot is a NOBEL PRIZE!!! who knows you may b the next winner…
←Rate | 10-14-2009 01:16 by mission | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon Likes to practice my "emergency situation" speed at by pretending I'm being chased by zombies or a murderer every time I unlock the door or start the car at night.
←Rate | 10-14-2009 00:20 by Ashden Ras | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon saving a lot on her car insurance by beating the gecko over the head with batt! I hate those commercials!!! Die lizard die!!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 21:19 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders when a seeing eye dog for the blind has a crap,who picks it up?
←Rate | 10-13-2009 18:44 by Lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon The grass may look greener on the other side,however it stil needs to be cut
←Rate | 10-13-2009 18:14 by Irwin Smith | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon To make it straight, she pulls it. 2 make it stand, she rubs it. 2 make it stiff, she licks it. 2 let it “IN” she pushes it. !!!! True! Threading a needle is not easy!!!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 16:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows the difference between a straight girl and a lesbian. About a bottle and a half of wine.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:58 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon has watched so much kids TV lately that women that look like Dora are starting to turn his head. Swiper! No swiping!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:36 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if people understand how big of an idiot they sound like when they say they'll give something 110% etc. Its impossible to give more than 100%. That's it. 100% is to a whole what infinity is to forever. That's all you get.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:32 by | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking that women give us the silent treatment and us blokes let them think we don't like it.............
←Rate | 10-13-2009 15:01 by Donger wonger poop chuffer singit London | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon getting drunk at dreher high school,,,go blue devils or what ever the fuk were called again
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:55 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon hooray for nipples! Without them,tits would be pointless.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:41 by lemonpillow | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon wouldn't be caught dead around a necrophiliac!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:29 by dusty | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:14 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
←Rate | 10-13-2009 14:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is 10% of what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it!
←Rate | 10-13-2009 08:31 by Mikey Comments (0)  

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