santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Bad News: On a test run last night, Santa was sucked into the engine of a Russian military jet & turned into red mist.

   If an old man stuffs you in a bag don't worry, I asked for you for Christmas. Oh he threw you in a van, not a sleigh? Yeah, you're screwed.

   A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy's laptop.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of da road I'm going to leave & come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign says, "Help, need ride"

   Ho, Ho, Ho!" - Santa Claus doing a naughty girl head count.

   To all the merchants trying to make a buck off of Christmas...Go elf yourself!

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."

   I told this homeless dude I would send him some supplies for Christmas but I need his address first

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   Santa only gives my kids undies and socks. All the cool stuff comes from dad. They don't like Santa much.

   Christmas is the time for giving family. So I'm giving away my family 'cause I'm efficient like that.

   Every Christmas for the last 15 years, I've been too drunk to remember the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, enough is enough. It's time to get my act together. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.

   The only Christmas movie I can even remotely relate to is "Bad Santa." And you damn right I want some sandwiches.

   "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is a great song if you're into festive celebrations of inexplicable marital infidelity.

   Santa wants to know if you have been naughty or nice this year... And if you were naughty, did you video it???

   I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/

   On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me: 12 Boy's I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvveeee DRAMA Queeeennnss; 4 game requests, 3 photo tags,

   On the 12th Day of Christmas Facebook gave to me,... 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 bad status updates, 9 Farmville requests, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites,... Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, ...4 m

   It's pretty funny to strap a Christmas tree to the roof of your car, light it on fire, and drive around like nothing's wrong.

   Yes, Christmas comes but once a year. So does every other day! February 29th, now theres a day to celebrate!