Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5793 of 6370
I have my doubts about all these new "smart waters" considering how easily they were captured and bottled
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05-10-2019 12:39 by Mylez
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You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
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05-10-2019 13:00
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My fly's been down all day ... so I left some feces particles on the toilet seat to try to cheer him up.
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05-10-2019 16:47
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A belt may hold up your pants but belt loops hold up the belt, so who's the real hero??
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05-10-2019 21:28
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What do you call an Indian with no money? Brokeahontas.
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05-11-2019 22:36
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Avatar is the highest grossing film of all time. Can someone please explain why we let THAT happen?
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05-11-2019 22:54 by Cicci
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Some people would rather stay ignorant and self-satisfied.
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05-12-2019 08:59
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It's amazing how far humans have come since the caveman days when people used to communicate by writing on walls....oh wait, we still do. Never mind.
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05-12-2019 12:25 by Moon
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If you don't smile and show everyone your teeth when you're eating Oreos then you're probably more mature than me.
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05-13-2019 11:47
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Casinos,steaks,universities,a brand of Vodka and now our country. Open your eyes people.
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05-13-2019 20:13
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I don't know why but I always end up making just a little bit too much spaghetti for myself to eat. Anyways, if anyone's hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.
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05-13-2019 21:17 by Moon
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Putin has an amazing slap shot in the hockey game he played. Meaning you'll get slapped and then shot if you don't let him score.
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05-13-2019 23:49
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It's not always the one that got away that troubles me the most, as sometimes it's the one that won't go away.
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05-14-2019 13:37 by moon
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If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well.
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05-14-2019 14:21
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How sad it must be when people have no choice but to believe the nonsense that scientists have devoted their entire lives to deceiving you...
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05-14-2019 15:53
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A woman knocked on my door collecting for a feminist organization. So I gave her some Razors.
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05-15-2019 08:16
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Goo Goo Dolls are opening for Lady Gaga. Fans are sure to go Goo Goo Gaga over it.
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05-16-2019 12:47 by DJJackson
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When I was younger I wanted to play guitar really badly. And after lots of hard work and practice, I now play the guitar really badly.
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05-16-2019 14:46 by DJJackson
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Each and every time I hear someone say "Each and every..." I think, "How superfluous".
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05-16-2019 15:58
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If I were a cosmetic surgeon my slogan would be, "We can change your bottom line"
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05-16-2019 16:00
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