Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon tonight, alcohol would be proud of me
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:58 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:54 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hates it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:53 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:46 by Amelie Comments (0)  

   messageicon They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:41 by Amelie Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to remind everyone it's not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off!!!
←Rate | 10-21-2009 16:08 by Chris Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
←Rate | 10-21-2009 15:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon drinks too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
←Rate | 10-21-2009 15:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon could tell his parents hated him... his bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
←Rate | 10-21-2009 15:17 by E Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't act sexist! B$tches hate that!
←Rate | 10-21-2009 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon stole this status from a homeless guy, why he had a status that says this, I'll never know!
←Rate | 10-21-2009 13:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can't have manslaughter without laughter!
←Rate | 10-21-2009 13:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon some people leave the "smart" out of smartass!
←Rate | 10-21-2009 13:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Karma is my religon and Earl Hickey is my god =D
←Rate | 10-21-2009 12:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Your're born, you live, you die, figure out whatever the hell you want to do in between...
←Rate | 10-21-2009 12:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to work at a day spa, I bet I could give a hell of a facial!
←Rate | 10-21-2009 11:57 by 514x0r Comments (0)  

   messageicon Messin with Sasquatch
←Rate | 10-21-2009 11:03 by Jon Comments (0)  

←Rate | 10-21-2009 10:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon god is a myth created by those who need someone to blame
←Rate | 10-21-2009 09:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
←Rate | 10-20-2009 23:15 by Ashden Ras Comments (0)  

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