Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When I was a kid I figured out how to play the piano by ear. After a while I learned that it was easier to use my fingers.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 06:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not worried about the Zombie apocalypse that is coming. I'm worried about the Libtard apocalypse that is here now.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 08:33 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Do Millennial kids just trick or treat online?
←Rate | 10-31-2017 13:56 by Barber Comments (0)  


   messageicon 200 North Koreans died in a tunnel collapse when testing their nukes. Looks like Kim Jong Un is on the US side of the war.
←Rate | 10-31-2017 15:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Halloween is over time to put up the Christmas decorations.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 00:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NYC terror attack comes to you courtesy of the Democratic Party, Barry Obama and the judges he appointed, who've halted Pres. Trump from fulfilling his promise to secure our borders from Islamic terror.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 07:17 Comments (8)  


   messageicon My mother in law won "best decorated house" yesterday for Halloween?..she was only opening the curtains?
←Rate | 11-01-2017 08:25 by Trueman Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find your cool robot name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card & combine it with the expiration date and security code. What's yours?
←Rate | 11-01-2017 09:01 by Barber Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 13:49 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon How's everyone holding up? It was crazy last night. I must have killed like fifteen zombies. But I still don't understand why they were all carrying bags of candy.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother-in-law sent me the link to the site where you can buy a boarding pass to Mars. She even offered to pay for the ticket. That's so sweet of her.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 16:14 by FastPhil Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, did he or did he not call the US justice system a disgrace? I'm so confused.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 22:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For an 84 year old Chuck Grassley sure can exit a room quickly.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Harvey Weintain has just offered to confort anybody after the gane
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn! Sarah Sanders is fat! What a whale!
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:21 Comments (2)  


   messageicon So a team part of a red state wins the World Series? Interesting.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:33 by Cardi’shusband Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I try dating I get a new sister.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The Astros are world series champs. And Dodgers dodge having to go to white house. So who's the real winner.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 00:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 01:30 by psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
←Rate | 11-02-2017 02:01 by Trueman Comments (0)  



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