Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cleveland fans can order the new LeBron phone. It only vibrates because it doesn't come with a ring.

   Celine Dion announced she's pregnant with twin boys. So this time next year she'll have 2 boys running around in diapers.....well 3 if you count her husband

   I am trashing the living room right now and spilling milk and cereal on the kitchen floor, then I will throw toys all over the yard.... this way the kids will be able to rest tomorrow.

   todays status has been brought to you by the letter "F" and "U" and by the number "69"

   not to be outdone, Brett Favre announced that he will make his decision in an ESPN mini-series

   I promise I won't procrastinate anymore....I'll start tomorrow!

   painting her/his skin black and calling her/himself tanisha

   changing her/his diaper

   anyone else sick and tired of seeing the name LeBron James? I mean crap! Until a few weeks ago I thought he was a rapper. WTF

   thinks the city of Cleveland should be more concerned about other things besides losing Lebron James. Things like...uh CRIME!

   I clear sign that the recession isn't over I just drove past a cat holding a homeless sign WTF???

   Dear Captain Crunch. Your little squares are tasty little morsals of joy and happiness. But eating a pile of gravel from my yard would be less painfull. Please work on that.

   This finger is loaded and I know how to use it.

   I need a beer! I need another beer. I think I'll have another one. Iguetss jusst on moer. I'lll hav jush one morrrre. Blaaaahhhh.

   Mel Gibson beat me up and called me a cracker! Uhg!

   Call me Goofy...But I will always call "Margarine" "Butter"!!!

   you shouldn't listen to other people's foolishness. You should listen to mine.

   the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens.

   Paul the octupus will be a hero if Spain wins the football worldcup!!!

   Apple just introduced the IdoucheBag, to carry your Ipod, Ipad, and Ipone.