Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5785 of 5910

   messageicon may be having a bad hair day, but it looks like you're having a bad face life.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:43 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon thought I'd come across a mass grave of about 1,000 snowmen yesterday. Turns out it was just a field of carrots
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:42 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is a school zone speed limit 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time sure flies when your drunker than hell.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:42 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon In certain circumstances, I happen to see A LOT wrong with a little bump and grind.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:41 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why the hell didn't the Hamburglar ever steal and eat Mayor McCheese? I mean he was, after all, an ENORMOUS burger.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mayan calendar says the world is going to end in 2012. That's why I refer to my Ziggy calendar instead.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon first there were 3 broken axles then I died of dysentery. Damn Oregon Trail.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:27 by olemissman79 Comments (0)  


   messageicon playing "Two Decades of Dignity." It makes him/her feel a little less guilty.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 22:22 by olemissman79 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon He does not believe in sharing unless someone else is buying.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 20:31 by nighthawk4160 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon can be found at The Last house on the left...
←Rate | 08-26-2009 17:51 by Danmanz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon you have thousands of friends, but very little comments....What does that tell you?
←Rate | 08-26-2009 17:45 by Danmanz | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll keep my guns, my freedom, my money. You can keep the change!!!
←Rate | 08-26-2009 17:07 by Psym0n Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life lesson #427:What doesn't kill you... will probably hurt like hell
←Rate | 08-26-2009 14:56 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon so he thinks he can make the desicion to change our healthcare over night, comin from a guy who took three months to decide on the color of his new bed room, and 6 months on a dog....
←Rate | 08-26-2009 11:56 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon feels like pile-driving his whiny coworker thru a thick glass table bound with barbed wire into a pool of rubbing alcohol with rusty nails and then set it on fire and drink a beer...
←Rate | 08-26-2009 11:15 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon making his stand at Thermopylae.
←Rate | 08-26-2009 08:22 by Peebs | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon standing outside your heart...please let me in...=(
←Rate | 08-26-2009 02:18 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon Over dramatic people make me want to go on grand theft auto style rampages
←Rate | 08-26-2009 01:58 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon caught the creepy crotch cridders
←Rate | 08-25-2009 23:24 | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left