Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a d*ck.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why they attack you.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Midgets smell different things in crowded elevators.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon would like to inform facebook that it FAILS at "Change". 0bama could use the same advice too.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 01:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got back from my annual checkup...conversation went something like this..."Mr. X, you are going to have to stop masturbating." So I asked "Why, Doc"...and he said "'Cos I'm trying to examine you!"...
←Rate | 10-24-2009 22:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon laughs at people who put vague facebook statuses that are written to get comments. something like: “Yeah, alright!” – it's like they are writing “please ask me why I am happy”
←Rate | 10-24-2009 22:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Knows you're getting old when you watch a porno and think "Oh that bed looks comfortable.".
←Rate | 10-24-2009 12:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon giving my liver a pat on the back for holding up this weekend
←Rate | 10-24-2009 10:33 by ? Comments (0)  

   messageicon gearing up for hot tub season!
←Rate | 10-24-2009 10:24 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only problem I have with Halloween is making those stupid skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
←Rate | 10-24-2009 10:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is anything worse than seeing a beautiful woman with a dog picking up dog s*%t ,Its seeing a beautiful woman without a dog picking up dog s%|t
←Rate | 10-24-2009 09:50 by Brian Mulcahy Comments (0)  

   messageicon if facebook was an actual book we could call ourselves intellectuals...
←Rate | 10-24-2009 05:41 by tinglywingly Comments (0)  

   messageicon When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers
←Rate | 10-24-2009 00:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't believe we put a man on the moon.
←Rate | 10-24-2009 00:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon you know you're small when your application to be a porn star in China gets rejected
←Rate | 10-23-2009 21:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon on my way to Oz on the yellow brick road but overshot it by 150 miles- I was having an argument with myself, I was not asleep, got here OK, hanging with Glenda.
←Rate | 10-23-2009 19:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon don't let the mornings get you down, sleep till noon!
←Rate | 10-23-2009 17:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering just how exactly do you meet the girls from the single-ladies commercials?! theyre hot!
←Rate | 10-23-2009 17:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon typIng 1IkE thI5 w0U1d drIvE mE f*ckIng crAzy!
←Rate | 10-23-2009 17:26 by 8 ) Comments (0)  

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