Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon dreams of one day moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.
←Rate | 10-27-2009 13:11 by whitecube387 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
←Rate | 10-27-2009 13:10 by whitecube387 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook must be Female. . .just when I think i've figured her out. . . she changes
←Rate | 10-26-2009 09:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never Drink & Drive. You May Spill The Drink
←Rate | 10-26-2009 09:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe
←Rate | 10-26-2009 09:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon anyone hungry for cat food? I know Iam!
←Rate | 10-26-2009 09:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to freeze some sperm for later use in life, but wonders if the ice cube tray makes a suitable container
←Rate | 10-26-2009 04:42 by Steve Comments (0)  

   messageicon puts the pro in procrastinate
←Rate | 10-26-2009 03:51 by @Felesar Comments (0)  

   messageicon ust read a list of 'the 100 things to do before you die'. I'm pretty surprised 'yell for help' wasn't one of them.
←Rate | 10-26-2009 03:45 by @Felesar Comments (0)  

   messageicon People say I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
←Rate | 10-26-2009 03:42 by @Felesar Comments (1)  

   messageicon thinks her inner skinny girl was eaten by her inner fat girl....
←Rate | 10-26-2009 01:51 Comments (0)  

←Rate | 10-25-2009 21:47 by cisne Comments (0)  

   messageicon perfected the art of making Ramen Noodles in the microwave!
←Rate | 10-25-2009 21:38 by 8 ) Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm booking a cruise ship for a trip from reality. I need a count. Who wants tickets?
←Rate | 10-25-2009 18:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well aware how much wood a woodchuck could chuck.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 17:42 by GabrielBelmont Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can't help but laugh at you when you have confederate flag on the back of your honda with a Connecticut license plate.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 14:41 by ash Ras Comments (0)  

   messageicon One time my own father caught me watching a porno movie. The one thing you never wanna hear in that situation is, “son, move over.”
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a d*ck.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal...and you wonder why they attack you.
←Rate | 10-25-2009 08:39 Comments (0)  

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