Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The Meaning of Life is simply to give your Life Meaning.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A friend with weed is a friend in need of rehab.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:39 by Mr.Conservative Comments (0)  

   messageicon Darth Vader: The first black guy to admit he's the father.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 11:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than to be fooled by a kiss.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 13:59 by @BlackieBino1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're in a relationship. I don't know why you feel the need to upload 10 selfies a day. Look at your boyfriend instead of a camera
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think people should make New Years resolutions for NO MORE SELFIES IN BATHROOMS, Seriously you and your toilet are not sexy
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Woman Finding Out AFTER Long Search On Net That..... "Phillip's 21 Inch" Was Actually Just a T.V.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 06:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part of paying $49 for this new toy for my son's Christmas present is knowing how happy some other kid will be in 3 months when we donate it to a thrift store
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:39 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon The movie HOME ALONE would never work now. What kid is going to look up from his smartphone after 10 hours and realize no one is around?
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you ever duck your head when driving fast into an underground parking garage? I'm like that all the time.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon there a pack of wild dogs attacking my child, or are there peas touching his mashed potatoes? I can't tell.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me, as a kid: This is stupid, we should get the whole week off. Me, as a parent: Why do the schools close on the day AFTER Thanksgiving too?
←Rate | 12-16-2017 07:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I have to explain to my husband WHY I am angry with him, then what's the point?
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part of Armageddon is that I can stop doing this laundry now.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm not like other girls", she whispered into the mirror while combing her hair with the claw end of a hammer.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 11:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gotta love Amazon wish lists, it's like saying "it's the thought that counts, so long as you only buy me exactly what I want.
←Rate | 12-16-2017 11:35 by JoshS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't believe the BS about GMO'S being bad for you ! I just had a leg of Salmon and it was delicious .
←Rate | 12-16-2017 23:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The saddest part in Star Wars history: People rating The Last Jedi low because their shyt fantheories didn't come true.
←Rate | 12-17-2017 00:29 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
←Rate | 12-17-2017 00:50 by Jake Comments (0)  

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