Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That's not a bald spot on top of my head! It's a solar panel for my love machine ;-)

   711 stores are the real version of the Kwik-E-Mart from the Simpsons...true story, I saw Apu working just this morning.

   I have a chef and a dentist here. You realize what this means right? We can finally clear up the confusion over the origin of tartar sauce!

   The Netherlands known for "total footbal" more like "brutal football"!

   likes how YouTube has gone from a video watching site to a music listing site.

   Paul the Octopus just got hired by the CIA ...

   PAUL the octopus is correct yet again!!! Spain are the crowned Champions!

   The octopus PAUL has predicted it correct yet again. Spain are the Champions. I need to meet this PAUL and ask him to select which girl should I Propose to. It's time I settle for one girl, having 3 girlfriends Sucks bigtime!!

   Lady, there is a differnece between "Love Handles" and "Tail Lights"

   efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.

   Hangovers are for people foolish enough to stop drinking.

   Iron man is a superhero...iron woman is a command

   Holy $hit look at Steve Stricker go! If I'm ever golfing and I say I'm at -26, thats not my score, it's how many balls Iost!

   Papers - Bowl - Crusher = TIN FOIL N FINERS.

   To sum up: yes, I cried like a baby during Toy Story 3, even more than I did at the end of The Human Centipede.

   Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.Paddy says "that was great, I wonder how the girls got on?"

   I heard Cialis has a new spokesman... Randy Johnson!

   Actors in India must hate always being type-caste!

   Man tried to hitch on an Airbus by hiding inside the landing tire... people say he was terminally ill! what a turbulent life...

   I hate when my foot falls asleep... it usually means it's going to be up all night!