Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   desperatly trying to on who came up with the idea of bright colored play toys for dogs if they are colorblind to begin with.

   Logged into my Orkut account after a long long time...Found 3 dead mice, a broken light bulb, shattered window pane and a few spider webs...

   I don't get the toilet seat issue that women have. I won't put my naked *ss on anything without looking at it first. Apparently some women are not so discriminating...

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

   What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.

   my ex got run down by a lorry today.i thought "wow,that could have been me!" but I cant drive a lorry!

   thinks instead of asking why your dog eats out of your cat's litter box, maybe you should be asking why your cat is pooping delicious treats!

   Fat girls should not wear tight jeans... just sayin

   I like my women like I like my milk. White and fat free

   Censored Snoop Doggy Dogg songs on the radio sound like two AT&T customers having a conversation on the phone.

   how come everything on a cereal box becomes 10 times more interesting to read when you're eating cereal?

   An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future ;)

   thinks Starbucks should start selling a cup of "shut the _uck up" --grande size!

   I think it's pretty funny how ppl take pictures of them selfs in bathrooms and then post it on FB

   It's like a blast of hydration...to your face.

   Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?

   There was a decrease in attendence for Saturday's NASCAR event and a Tim McGraw concert. In related news, the 14th summer redneck games were held in Georgia.

   hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye

   climbing Mt. Washmore.

   I'm having a healthy and nutritious Meal, and I'm washing it down with a healthy and nutritious BEER. This health food stuff is not as bad as I thought after all.