Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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theres nothin worse then havin a wicked case of the squirts and realizing there isnt a roll of TP in sight..
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07-14-2010 19:36
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Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
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07-14-2010 19:19 by GoraN
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voices inside of his head, but they're speaking in spanish and he can't understand them
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07-14-2010 19:15
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I just realised Chewbacca carries a Purse!"
I have a cold. it makes my voice sound like a sexy pirate."
cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time
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07-14-2010 18:58
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What would happen if Superman consumed 10 Lbs of laxative?
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07-14-2010 18:23 by Aaron
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What you call sex ed, I call Saturday night...
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07-14-2010 18:12 by geez
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I really wish I had a pet chimp..that would really be cool. We could dress alike and go places together. We would be best friends..
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07-14-2010 18:11
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going to go camping at North Korea State Beach and play a great camping game of Hide-and-keep-hiding!
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07-14-2010 17:55
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Filing a BP Damage Claims. Due to the Gulf disaster, instead of a vacation at the beach, we're going to visit my in-laws...
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07-14-2010 17:18 by Joser
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Why hasn't anyone invented alcohol that acts as birth control too?
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07-14-2010 17:18 by Joser
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Why is it that when you get your girlfriend pregnant, everyone rubs her belly saying "congratulations"... but nobody rubs your d*ck and says "good job?"
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07-14-2010 17:17 by Joser
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I wish God wouldn't have hidden all of my talents so well...
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07-14-2010 17:16 by Joser
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Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
Didn't lock my car last night and there was a homeless guy asleep in it this morning.
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07-14-2010 17:13 by Joser
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Will too much skin lightening cream turn you invisible?
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07-14-2010 17:13 by Joser
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Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
The good thing about being 6' 1" is that no one will see my bald patch... Unless you're using Google Earth...
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07-14-2010 17:09 by Joser
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