Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5758 of 6370
What is a girlfriend?? Addition of problems. Subtraction of money. Multiplication of enemies. Division of friends.
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07-19-2010 14:27
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True love is me texting you back before I die on call of duty instead of after
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07-19-2010 14:09 by R!ck
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Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a Honda Accord
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07-19-2010 14:03 by paulb808
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when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion.
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07-19-2010 13:49 by Tracy
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I have a friend who's a homicide detective. His business card says, "Our day begins, when yours ends."
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07-19-2010 13:46
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♫ This is my facebook. This is my gun. This is for updating, inviting, posting, laughing, flirting, whining, arguing, venting, complaining, fighting, this is for fun. ♫
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07-19-2010 12:00
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not a California girl but is still unforgettable .
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07-19-2010 11:27
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Tonya Harding is preggo and getting married. Break out the banjo's, it's anouther white trash wedding!
going to get married. So what if it is a cardboard cut-out.....don't judge me!
Dear 5 Hour Energy, What in the HELL is your idea of this flavor you call "berry?" Dingle?!
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07-19-2010 10:02 by Leeferd
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You know you're ugly when you can't even get poked on facebook
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07-19-2010 09:15
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I'd tap that...Haha....kidding I wouldn't even poke that on Facebook.
If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either
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07-19-2010 07:37
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A friend of mine bought an iPod Touch. I checked it out... It's just like an iPhone, but you can't make calls. No wait, it's exactly like an iPhone.
Many great discoveries are made by not following instructions.
I was so drunk last night , I went to bed with Bo Derek and woke up with Bo Diddley
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07-19-2010 06:36
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Oops they got my order wrong again. I ordered an extra large weekend,hold the Monday. I'll wait in bed until they get it right!
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07-19-2010 06:33 by Bindi
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Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.
nothing last forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the bullsh*ts, take chances, never have regrets because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted 2 do!!
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07-19-2010 05:57 by SAM RABEE
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Why do you keep liking your own status? Of course you would like it, you f**king posted it!