Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5749 of 6370
Wishing I knew all my Facebook friends....Some seem pretty cool...Sure hope I meet them someday....
Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something interesting out of myself
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07-22-2010 08:52
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its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!
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07-22-2010 08:47 by Tracy
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wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?
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07-22-2010 07:58
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According to some magazine, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it...
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07-22-2010 07:55
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Has come to the conclusion that fruit-loops are just gay cheerios. =)
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07-22-2010 07:51
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wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.
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07-22-2010 07:14 by Leeferd
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hates when I wake up late for work and get ready in a hurry, then you realize its your day off. : (
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07-22-2010 06:51 by L
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Acting as if today is Saturday. Going to work unshaved, no shower, in shorts and a T, full cooler of beer as my brief case, and the attitude of "don't bother me, it's Saturday".
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07-22-2010 06:14
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Meanwhile, at the BP command center ... *cricket* *Cricket*
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07-22-2010 03:51
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She said no booty calls. Well this calls for some head!
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07-22-2010 01:34 by TeeWuu
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as confused as a hungry infant in a topless bar.
sending more mixed signals than a dyslexic, third-base coach.
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07-22-2010 01:06 by kittykat
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just got barred from Bunnings. This arrogant prick in a red apron in the timber aisle just asked me if I wanted decking. Lucky I got the first punch in!
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07-22-2010 01:05 by kittykat
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loves a man in uniform, unless he's in my rearview mirror.
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07-22-2010 01:03 by kittykat
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If your phone doesn't ring, you'll know it's me.
if someone sends me one more Farmville invite, I will banish your animals to a galaxy far, far away and set fire to your crops.
How come when you open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?
contemplating becoming schizophrenic, but is in two minds about it.
thinks that time flies when you're having a drunken blackout.