Funny Status Messages

   thanx to my ex GF,I now have to shave between eyebrows because "stupid me" let her wax there one nite for sh*ts and giggles

   I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!

   I feel like I hit rock bottom...bouncer at the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night.

   thinks rap promotes punching, boastfulness, and disrespect toward ho's.

   she's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice..yup, I'd still hit it

   the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.

   I have Bieber Fever. I listened to a song by Justin Bieber and now have a 103 degree temperature, I'm throwing up, and have a huge headache.

   I'd like to be a bird, not for the freedom and beauty of flight...I just want to be able to sh*t on people like a WWII bomber pilot.

   why are men so smart during sex? because hes plugged into a genius

   The Flying Spaghetti Book: Garlic 3:16, And the Flying Spaghetti Monster so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and that who so ever should believe in him should not perish but have everlasting pasta, rAmen.

   went into BP after getting subway. and spilled my slushy all over the floor. and yelled "YOU DONT LIKE HOW THAT FEEELS HUH!" and left.

   Funny how people get easily buzzed about the new iphone and droid phones. Meanwhile, China and Japan are sitting back laughing at us with their better (possible) 5G phones.

   Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because they don't need a clean car to get laid.

   This girl I know is thinking about havin beer pong at her reception... that's walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever.

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!

   the only thing about having bags under your eyes is that I can never find any shoes to match :(

   Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.

   this is just a test. Had this been a real status update, it would of consisted of babbling of an idiot rambling on about monkeys and their banana eating ways. We thank you for participating in this test.

   it's a real shot to the ego when you join a internet dating site and can't get a date

   WANTED: Schrödinger's Cat - Dead and Alive