Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   the monoply guy and the pringles guy look exactly the same have you noticed that?

   twying to twalk wiff twenty wemon dwops in my mouff

   ...is about as useful today as an appendix transplant...

   ...wondering why the police never send out any "feline units"...

   Does a midget using an iphone look like a regular person using an ipad?

   Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.

   "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."

   Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.

   Complain: To explain your pain for no gain.

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

   What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning

   I like to pretend I'm a judge on "So You Think You Can Dance" when I'm at the strip club.

   blocked you from my news feed. I don't care how many mobsters you've iced, that you found a pink sheep on your farm, or that you've redecorated your virtual apartment.

   While driving saw a woman smoking in her Prius...obviously she doesn't see the irony!

   `edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light.do not be discouraged if you fail a few times`-napoleon Hill

   wondering who trains the suicide bombers how to do it..

   ~ A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts".

   went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors. The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach".