Funny Status Messages

   What do whales eat? Fish and ships.

   You know you're getting old when you got to scroll down to find your birth year!

   has mistakenly used Axe Freeze in place of body wash and now everything is tingling!!

   girls are afraid to hear the words "its over" from her guy. And you know what guys are afraid to hear?"I'm PREGNANT!!!"

   I can't hear you over the sound of how EPIC I am.

   What could be worse than being a "people of walmart?" Getting busted taking a picture of one. Damn flash!

   My preferred answer to the question "Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?" is "It seems a bit late to be sober."

   I ran this morning and there was nothing chasing me. There is something fundamentally wrong with that.

   Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away.

   Since when did M&M's start using W's?

   I don't believe I had ADHD because I, Dude! Did you see that? Do you like apples? Wow! Candy corn! 45+78= What officer? What was I saying?

   NBA rookie of the year was video taped doing 120 mph. In his defense, he claimed that he was being chased by Maury Povich.

   What's common between the sun and women's underwear? a) Both are hot b) Both look better while going down c) Both disappear by night.

   You broke my heart into several pieces. Good! Now I can give it to several girls.

   thinks they should make a Michael Jackson video game

   On Facebook I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry... when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.

   I'm only adding you to make my friends list look bigger.

   finally knows why leprechauns laugh when they run...? It's because the grass tickles their nuts...

   Have you ever noticed that Octo Mom; Nadya Suleman's mought looks and acts like the Jokers mouth from The Dark Knight -- Batman?

   Why do women always ask, 'Do these jeans make me look fat?" No, your A$$ does... Trust me ladies we don't care... We like ya naked...