Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5719 of 6369
Gas prices are so expensive...it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere!
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08-27-2018 05:42 by Stevielea
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The problem with women is they will assume everything but the position.
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08-27-2018 06:59
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And in other news, Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam. His new name is Kareem of Wheat.
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08-27-2018 07:38
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I seem to have discovered a new diet plan that appears to be really working for me that's called The Cost Of Food.
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08-27-2018 11:28
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Nothing says “I believe in you” more than when a waiter gives you a single napkin.
Dear problems..plz gimme a discount..I'm your regular customer
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08-27-2018 12:31 by raman911
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it just me, or is Tom cruise starting to look like a middle aged lesbian?
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08-27-2018 14:36 by Stevielea
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Saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "what's wrong ahmed, won't it start."
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08-27-2018 17:53 by Stevielea
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when a friend messages you a GIF image for your birthday, is that a birthday GIFt ?
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08-27-2018 21:37 by Eddy
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If I've learned anything after working in I.T. for twenty five years it's that Dilbert is not a comic strip. It's a documentary.
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08-28-2018 07:11
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Shopping for antiques won't make you gay, but it will make you buy curios.
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08-28-2018 07:13
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As a driver, I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian, I hate drivers. But no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
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08-28-2018 07:14
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Facebook just suggested I poke my wife.....yeah good one Facebook.....been trying for weeks!
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08-28-2018 09:05 by Stevielea
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Does anyone else ever wonder why the game uno doesn’t have the rest of the cards in Spanish?
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08-28-2018 18:21 by Js
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Back in the day google was the encylopedia.
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08-28-2018 20:17 by Jake
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What is it that you have that other people use more often than you do?....... Your name :)
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08-28-2018 20:20 by Jake
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I love the fact that "Take Out" means food, dating, and murder.
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08-29-2018 07:01
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"This isn't my first rodeo." -Me, at my second rodeo
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08-29-2018 09:00
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Saw a new woman's talk show called "The Woman's Talk hour." It's on weekdays from 1pm to 3:30pm.
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08-29-2018 13:32 by Jake
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no one could ever hate me half as much as I dont care
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08-30-2018 00:44 by luka
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