Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 17:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the toilet.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 15:06 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon police are investigating the 7 winners of last weeks euro lottery syndicate, they dont believe that 7 people from liverpool actually had a job!!!
←Rate | 11-15-2009 14:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon at the ATM the other day and an old lady approached and asked me to help check her balance.....So I pushed her
←Rate | 11-15-2009 11:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide!! " linkin Park - New Divide"
←Rate | 11-15-2009 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 09:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to do something different tonight so am thinking about sitting on the TV to watch the sofa!! hehehe
←Rate | 11-15-2009 05:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity!!!
←Rate | 11-15-2009 05:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend has just been sacked from the jigsaw factory. She's in pieces.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 04:40 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coke dealers. Always sticking their business in other people's noses.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 04:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon drank some Chinese beer, the room smells like fireworks.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 04:35 by Baron Wheat Comments (0)  

   messageicon has a camera, a wire coathanger and some baby oil and is bored so might try doing a colonoscopy on himself
←Rate | 11-15-2009 04:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
←Rate | 11-15-2009 01:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got a Nintendo video game unit for my's called the Wii-Wii.
←Rate | 11-14-2009 23:19 by Vybe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been arrested for being the ugliest person in the country. Can you come down the station and show them they've made a mistake?
←Rate | 11-14-2009 21:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got my first real sex dream, I was 5 at the time. Played it till my fingers bled. It was the summer of 69.
←Rate | 11-14-2009 21:22 by abe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol is the cause of some problems and the solution to others.
←Rate | 11-14-2009 19:42 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking if your relationship Status says "It's complicated". Stop kidding yourself and change it to Single!
←Rate | 11-14-2009 15:54 by Vybe Comments (0)  

   messageicon almost killed today when he fell off a horse. Thank god the walmart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing
←Rate | 11-14-2009 14:22 by J.P C Comments (0)  

   messageicon If candy was named after a High School social group like "Nerds," than would they come out with candy named "Hoes" and "Jocks?"
←Rate | 11-14-2009 14:08 by Karencita Comments (0)  

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