Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5709 of 6446

Do you ever log on to Facebook just to spend 3 hours checking other people's profile just to see their recent activities?
←Rate |
09-03-2010 12:58
Comments (0)

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 12:56 by penanco
Comments (0)

's school bus was so short, they had to put two fat kids in the back to keep it from tipping forward.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 12:53 by chuckg
Comments (0)

Uh oh! The first signs of Fall. Cool weather and falling leaves. Hurry! Jump into your nearest relationship, which will end at the first signs of Spring.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 12:38 by Q
Comments (0)

Wondering why The Muppets have large protruding eyes. But then again, I realised that if I had a hand up my bum, my eyes would probably protrude too.

When I grow up, I want t be a weather man so I can be wrong every day and STILL make the big bucks!
←Rate |
09-03-2010 12:29
Comments (0)

ben rothlisberger's suspension reduced to 4 games ..he is going to celebrate tonioght at a sorority party!
←Rate |
09-03-2010 12:10
Comments (0)

Doesn't get jealous when she sees her exes withe someone else, because her parents always told her to give her used toys to the less fortunate
←Rate |
09-03-2010 10:51
Comments (2)

"W", pronounced "double U", looks like "double V", this is the $hit I think about!!!
←Rate |
09-03-2010 10:20
Comments (2)

I woke up this morning to find 2 beautiful girls and my husband staring at me. I felt like prey for a brief moment.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 09:54 by JRF
Comments (0)

I wish I had one of those Looney Toon Hammers to snooze my freaking alarm clock... Shut The F!#$ Up!!!
←Rate |
09-03-2010 09:41 by Steady!!!
Comments (0)

addicted to counseling, I need counseling
←Rate |
09-03-2010 09:32 by Goodest
Comments (0)

if ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
←Rate |
09-03-2010 09:31 by PW
Comments (0)

I just saw a commercial for Oprah's Farewell Season. I think I may jump for joy!!
←Rate |
09-03-2010 08:58 by JRF
Comments (0)

When I am sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead
←Rate |
09-03-2010 08:35 by Thrasher
Comments (0)

Memo to my coworkers: It is Friday afternoon, and I have some serious web browsing and personal emailing to take care of, so please refrain from walking behind my cubicle. Thank you.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 08:21
Comments (0)

I really think iPhone owners fake not knowing stuff just so they can bust out their phones to look it up.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 06:42
Comments (0)

Since it's so hard to find new blades, I had to look at getting a new razor. But after looking at the names I'm a little confused: the Mach 4, the Hydro, the Fusion, the Nitro... Am I buying a shaver or a f*cking jetpack?
←Rate |
09-03-2010 06:39
Comments (0)

If I come into work really early, each time I say "Hi" to whoever is there all I'm really doing is gathering witnesses to justify my early departure.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 06:36
Comments (0)

People say I have an obsessive personality, but after thousands of hours of research spanning nearly a decade, I can find no conclusive evidence supporting this.
←Rate |
09-03-2010 06:28
Comments (0)