Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5690 of 6369
You ever watched ants? You got that kinda time on your hands like me??
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08-13-2010 19:01
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IF A MALE AND FEMALE ARE IN THE SAME ROOM 8 HOURS A DAY 5 DAYS A WEEK ITS GONNA HAPPEND SONNER OR LATER
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08-13-2010 18:50 by EL KERNAL
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My five year old son was getting out of the shower and with a puzzled look asked, dad what are these for? Being caught a little off guard, I replied... Balance...
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08-13-2010 18:28
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I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"
I think "the new G.M." should implement long-overdue improvements in their new vehicles. Like restraints in the back of all turnip trucks.
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08-13-2010 18:01 by Damon
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Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one...and got hit by a bus.
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08-13-2010 17:52
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A truck load of tortoises get in a wreck with a boat load of terrapins... it was a turtle disaster!
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08-13-2010 17:44
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We're no strangers to love you know the rules and so do I a full commitments what I'm thinking of you wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling gotta make you understand never gonna give you up HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!
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08-13-2010 17:22
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Wonders if anyone calls that number on trucks that says, "How's my driving?" to tell them their driver is driving amazingly well!
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08-13-2010 16:40
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My mom used to say that I'm wasting my life playing all these video games... thats ok, I still have more lives!
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08-13-2010 16:31 by geez
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A school teacher asks her young students "What comes after 69?" One little girl raises her hand so the teacher lets her speak. "Well, you clean your face then wash your mouth out....duh!"
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08-13-2010 16:26
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Has decided to write all her statuses in capitals from now on. This one was written in London.
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08-13-2010 16:16
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We have women in the military, but we don't put them in the front lines. We don't know if they can fight or if they can kill. I think they can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look f
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08-13-2010 15:53 by shoesan
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This has been idiot week. Thank you so much for participating!!
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08-13-2010 15:51 by shoesan
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it just me or does anyone else die a little bit inside when they lose an fb friend? *tear!*
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08-13-2010 14:49 by geez
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People used to protest things... Now they just join Facebook groups named 1,000,000 strong against ___________ .
Its Friday 13th,an unlucky day.To counteract that you could try a Rabbits Foot or a Lucky Horseshoe. Horseshoes usually bring good luck today,but never trust a horse that wears high heels & remember to never trust a rabbit that tries to sell you his foot.
If I saw spiderman I would ask him to help me get 2 work fast, if I saw batman I would ask where he got all those cool toys, if I saw superman I would want help gettin my skateboard off the roof..if I saw wonderwoman I would ask "where's my sandwhich?"
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08-13-2010 14:12
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Do you think P.Diddy ever wakes up feeling like kesha ?
1-2 Freddy's coming for you... ---oh wait! wrong movie! Happy Friday the 13th!
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08-13-2010 13:26 by geez
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