Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5689 of 5817

   messageicon how are you supposed to read lady gaga's po po po po poker face, if it's all covered up with all that wierd cr*p?
←Rate | 12-01-2009 22:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The secret is Victoria is actually Victor!!!
←Rate | 12-01-2009 22:26 by Ruzzzell Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dont you just love X-mas time. Its the only legal stalking month. You know what I mean.. Someone pops out of the follow them and a nice slow stalking speed..Waiting ..Then you know its time to attack..Got the parking stall. Mission accomplished!
←Rate | 12-01-2009 22:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and The Biggest Loser....On TV at the same time tonight...makes me wanna eat chocolate cake then go throw it up....
←Rate | 12-01-2009 22:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Feels bad for dads taking their sons to the girls shopping aisle to get a nice pair of tight apple bottom jeans. Keep your heads up dads. This emo style wont last long.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 21:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wonders if balloon boy's parents are kicking themselves for not crashing the White House party instead?
←Rate | 12-01-2009 20:17 by Troy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mother wants me to get up and go to work. But the voices in my head want me to stay home and clean the guns.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 19:40 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop
←Rate | 12-01-2009 15:15 by Chachita Comments (0)  

   messageicon an argument is a compromise between fighting and running away
←Rate | 12-01-2009 14:03 by pz Comments (0)  

   messageicon heavily medicated for your protection.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 12:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon 90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave their house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wife.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 12:33 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the big deal with the 2 idiots that snuck in for a white house party for a couple hours? I can't turn on the news without seeing them. "W" pulled the same trick in 2000 and stayed for 8 years and he didn't get that kind of coverage!
←Rate | 12-01-2009 12:27 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon share love not herpes
←Rate | 12-01-2009 09:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can tell that this is a rough situation for Tiger Woods and that it has him really tee'd off. I hope he gets a grip soon and irons everything out.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 09:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hell hath no fury like a women with a nine iron.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 09:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best person to get directions from is a 1 legged man...he knows the fastest and quickest way to get anywhere.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 06:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world
←Rate | 12-01-2009 01:37 by paul b Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tiger Woods is officially black. His wife busted out his car windows with a golf club @ 3 am , & he clammed up when questioned by the police. Welcome back Tiger
←Rate | 12-01-2009 01:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon this message changes to Spanish as soon as you look away.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 01:28 by Daniel Heck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Emo is to music, what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
←Rate | 12-01-2009 00:39 by emosRgay Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left