Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I heard that Rosie O'Donnell saw her shadow today. I guess that means 7 more years of Trump.
←Rate | 02-02-2018 18:19 Comments (6)  

   messageicon Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't
←Rate | 02-03-2018 03:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who is Valentines? And why is my Wife talking about her a lot lately?
←Rate | 02-03-2018 03:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So like, this rancher thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 98. So he rounded them up.
←Rate | 02-03-2018 09:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 12 days to Valentine... ...wives have become more polite than customer care..
←Rate | 02-03-2018 10:11 by RAMANIYER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Notice the subliminal message in the Wendy's commercial her necklace reads mom.
←Rate | 02-03-2018 18:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon BOSS: I see you got the memo about not vaping in the men’s restroom? ME: [vaping in the ladies restroom] I did.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 04:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ordered and ate a bowl of soup at Red Bowl last made Miso sick.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 07:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some days I feel like I own waterfront property on $h!t Creek.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Before we announce the winner of the Best Bomb Defuser award, let's pause for a moment to remember the runner-ups.
←Rate | 02-04-2018 10:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a lover of nature. Where do I go to see this superb owl I keep reading about?
←Rate | 02-04-2018 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying all Uber drivers are bad drivers, but 100% of Uber drivers are bad drivers
←Rate | 02-04-2018 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In honor of the super bowl, whenever I go to poop today, i'll refer to it as "taking the browns to the super bowl"
←Rate | 02-04-2018 13:44 by Eddy Comments (1)  

   messageicon Between the Super Bowl commercials and today’s teen challenges...Tide is killing it!
←Rate | 02-04-2018 23:08 by tmk Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just invented a new word: Plagiarism.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When somebody asks me "What's the word?" I give them the finger because everybody knows that the Bird is the Word.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 06:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Tide commercials during the Superbowl were not a hit with older folks but the kids are them up
←Rate | 02-05-2018 07:43 by MrSharp Comments (1)  

   messageicon I want to take a moment to thank my skeletal system for being so supportive all these years.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 07:46 by Crewz Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tom Brady woke up this morning and his deal with the debil has ended. His team is over, is wife is Rosie O'Donnell and he's developed an allergy to lobster.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 07:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Kevin Durant just announced he's signing with the Eagles.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 09:28 Comments (0)  

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