Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed...always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.
←Rate | 12-10-2009 01:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks a girls legs are her best friends.....but the best of friends must part!!!
←Rate | 12-10-2009 00:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just invented a new parachute for opens on impact.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 23:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon on an Hedgehog's back, Wearing underpants made of cast iron.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 19:52 by Peebs Comments (0)  

   messageicon FML- facebook is my life
←Rate | 12-09-2009 19:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon reminds you that freedom isn't free. I had to pay $20 for some guy to get me out of my driveway.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 19:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I spent my life searching the world trying to find myself; and when I finally did....I forgot why I was looking!
←Rate | 12-09-2009 18:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Is global warming real or are the hot headed scientist to close to the thermometer.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 18:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 18:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
←Rate | 12-09-2009 18:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
←Rate | 12-09-2009 18:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just because you take a picture of a lawn chair, make it black and white, and write 'Summer 09' on it doesn't make you an artist.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 17:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati. Or am I thinking of Kid New York? He fought out of Philly. Yeah, he was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin from Dakota. I don't remember if it was North or South.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 16:38 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I thinkit's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 16:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love is a matter of chemistry,sex is a matter of physics.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 15:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sex appeal is made up of 50% of what you got and 50% of what people think you got.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 15:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon People have to recognize that the "do-it-all-mom", as the saying goes, often ends up doing everything but "it".
←Rate | 12-09-2009 14:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Italicize words to give your status that gangsta lean.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 14:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why Tom Brady's baby looks like Tiger Woods.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 11:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon : Santa Claus reported his naughty girls list stolen, Police comfirm Tiger Woods is the prime suspect.
←Rate | 12-09-2009 11:40 Comments (0)  

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