Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon loves it when his wife butters his toast.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a whiffle ball bat...
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes he was in Tijuana, eating BBQ'd iguana.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 11:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's Friday 13th. I think I'm going to break a mirror, walk under a ladder, let a black cat walk past me, open an umbrella indoors, spill some salt, wear a hat to bed, step on a crack in the sidewalk.... then call somebody I hate and see if she wants to
←Rate | 11-13-2009 10:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got 2 chickens to paralyze. Thanks Eddy Money for getthing that song into my head this morning. On a side note, I'm getting hungry for KFC.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 09:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks there should be some kind of test for babies in the delivery room; and if they're going to grow up stupid they should be neutered immediately.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 08:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon just doesn't get it. I go through the drive thru at BK and I hand the kid my credit card. He asks me if it's an American Express... He had my card in his hand; what do you suppose he thought the orange and yellow Mastercard logo was?
←Rate | 11-13-2009 08:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Black cats, ladders, broken mirrors, guys named Jason. I hate Friday the 13th.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 07:30 by mark1965 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A blind Indian girl wanted me to touch her clothes to see how soft they were. I felt sari for her.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 05:55 by Lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon stealing everyone's watches and changing all the clocks at work. "What? 5 o'clock already? See ya!".
←Rate | 11-13-2009 05:08 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
←Rate | 11-12-2009 22:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Erin Culbertson Did you know that a woman has 3 knees and a man has 4 knees? A woman has a left knee, a right knee, and a hiney. A man has a left knee, a right knee, a hiney, and a weenie.
←Rate | 11-12-2009 22:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you notice this notice, then you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing
←Rate | 11-12-2009 22:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon out like janet jackson's right nipple! g'nite! =)
←Rate | 11-12-2009 21:18 by meowmix Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why noses run and feet smell?
←Rate | 11-12-2009 20:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.
←Rate | 11-12-2009 19:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon your "sofa king we todd did"
←Rate | 11-12-2009 19:34 by JW Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes Carrie Prejean would stop sending me video tapes...I told her it is over.
←Rate | 11-12-2009 19:14 by Todd Rollison Comments (0)  

   messageicon says When you go to the drug store to buy condoms, ask them where the fitting room is
←Rate | 11-12-2009 19:11 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where are all the virgins that Bin Laden promised me?
←Rate | 11-12-2009 18:37 Comments (0)  

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