Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon handing out clean needles at the Betty Ford Clinic
←Rate | 08-03-2009 23:02 by butterflystar Comments (0)  

   messageicon Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
←Rate | 08-03-2009 14:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon cooking an Indian tonight. It's the best way to get rid of the evidence before he's reported missing
←Rate | 08-03-2009 13:25 by Ady the hobbit Comments (0)  

   messageicon reading another chapter of How to Make Balloon Animals for Dummies - So far I can make a snake...
←Rate | 08-02-2009 14:27 by ®yan Comments (0)  

   messageicon headed back to 1988 to pick up a few thousand Microsoft stocks
←Rate | 08-02-2009 13:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon finally found out your password, dont bother changing it, I already did!
←Rate | 08-02-2009 02:53 by DaNnY Comments (0)  

   messageicon to me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks.
←Rate | 08-02-2009 00:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This weekends forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out
←Rate | 08-01-2009 13:27 by Vito Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jesus saves... He must shop at Wall*Mart...
←Rate | 08-01-2009 00:50 by MM Comments (0)  

   messageicon thanks to all of my fb friends, for without them, I would never know when the work week ends.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 20:04 by Piney Comments (0)  

   messageicon Adults are just kids who owe money.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do I look like a freakin' people person?
←Rate | 07-31-2009 15:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon starting to get nervous about Y3K
←Rate | 07-30-2009 21:30 by matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon started taking Gingko Biloba pills to improve his Memory...but, he keeps forgetting to take them!
←Rate | 07-30-2009 16:15 by Vitamin N Comments (0)  

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