Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon if good girls sit on santa's lap, do bad ones sit on his face?
←Rate | 12-19-2009 11:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows God is no mechanic, but he gives great repairs!
←Rate | 12-19-2009 10:52 by raul Comments (0)  

   messageicon borrowing money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
←Rate | 12-19-2009 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not fighting his way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
←Rate | 12-19-2009 10:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon reminding you that Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
←Rate | 12-19-2009 10:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Talk about global warming..I just saw a Tiger on the Appalachian trail
←Rate | 12-19-2009 08:33 by Mr. Craig Comments (0)  

   messageicon was surprised to find a Christmas present from last year while getting the decorations out. The kids were all excited as I opened the box. What a pity it was a dead puppy
←Rate | 12-19-2009 08:17 by deithy Comments (0)  

   messageicon A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.  He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing...... 
←Rate | 12-19-2009 04:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it wasn't for my random sputterings insane ramblings and wild hallucinations I'd be as normal as you.
←Rate | 12-19-2009 01:21 by GabrielBelmont Comments (0)  

   messageicon never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version.?
←Rate | 12-19-2009 00:25 by Snypa Comments (0)  

   messageicon 's age is very inconsistent, I wouldn't be surprised if it changed again next year.
←Rate | 12-19-2009 00:24 by Snypa Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you hear that the new and politically correct name for 'lesbian'. It has been changed to 'vagitarian'. 
←Rate | 12-18-2009 22:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 22:43 by mullerman Comments (0)  

   messageicon My phone says it's nippy out. I don't know why it says that but it seems to be true...
←Rate | 12-18-2009 22:11 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon I plan to only eat aberdeen angus beef for every meal in January. aberdeen angus beef that has been slain by my hands. my BARE hands!
←Rate | 12-18-2009 22:01 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never thought I would live to see the day that someone made a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group...
←Rate | 12-18-2009 21:45 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 21:35 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon you have the voice of angel, you sound like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 17:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As of today, Facebook staff will be allowed to eat your children and pets. To turn this option off, go to Settings > Privacy > Meals. Click the top button to not feed the employees of Facebook anything. Copy this to your status to warn your friends.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 17:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Electricians even know that there are "male" connectors and "female" connectors on wiring and such. You can try plugging "male" to "male" or "female" to "female", but it's a ludicrous effort.
←Rate | 12-18-2009 15:11 Comments (0)  

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