Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why do people think Memento is so much better than Dude Where's My Car? They are basically the same movie.
←Rate | 01-21-2010 21:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon trying to decide - laundry today or naked tomorrow?
←Rate | 01-21-2010 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the difference between michael jackson and acne is that acne waits till your twelve to come all over your face
←Rate | 01-21-2010 20:31 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon if it weren't for elephants and penguins, I would not be able to eat ice cream on a sailboat
←Rate | 01-21-2010 18:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to live in a pineapple under the sea. But I lost it in a forclosure. Now some yellow guy lives there.
←Rate | 01-21-2010 17:11 by JEREMYCAKES Comments (0)  

   messageicon Our boss called the office together this morning to show us where all the plug sockets are. I hate power point presentations.....
←Rate | 01-21-2010 17:02 by Y.P Comments (0)  

   messageicon A little boy who had diarhea said to his mom, "I need viagra" she said for what? He said "Well isn't that what you give dad to make his sh*t hard?"
←Rate | 01-21-2010 16:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got a new dog..Named him " Stay " Freaks all our friends out when we say" Come Here...Stay "
←Rate | 01-21-2010 16:18 by Wadetech Comments (1)  

   messageicon my best friend said the best sex he ever had was with a cougar......i don't even like big cats
←Rate | 01-21-2010 16:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon February 14, 2010 will now be known as "Singles Awareness Day. F you to all the candymakers, cardmakers, jewlers, florists, and Cupid!
←Rate | 01-21-2010 14:38 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Eight hundred pairs of underwear were stolen from a clothing store today. The police are making a brief inquiry
←Rate | 01-21-2010 14:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering; why do people on facebook, when they find a -public- photo album to someone they dont know, feel like they've won a million ???
←Rate | 01-21-2010 13:44 by Lam Comments (1)  

   messageicon SFOL #16: You aren't insecure due to some traumatic experience that happened when you were a child—unless that experience was the realization that you suck and no one likes you.
←Rate | 01-21-2010 13:31 by Rae Comments (0)  

   messageicon so old that I can remember when colonel sanders was a private
←Rate | 01-21-2010 12:57 by mister peepers Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows that cougars roar all night, pumas growl all night, & kitty cats meow all night. I still love my cougars though.
←Rate | 01-21-2010 11:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you feel that the window of opportunity is closed to you, just pick up a rock and smash that f*er to pieces!
←Rate | 01-21-2010 10:58 by Doug Comments (0)  

   messageicon People piss me off like the ones who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
←Rate | 01-21-2010 10:55 by DeAdMaN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says "heyt. There's a steering wheel sticking out the front of your pants." The guy says " yeah, and it's driving me nuts".
←Rate | 01-21-2010 09:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
←Rate | 01-21-2010 09:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...
←Rate | 01-21-2010 08:34 by paul Comments (0)  

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