Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Guy: I have a girlfriend. Girl: I have 2 goldfish. Guy: Wtf??? Girl: Oh, I thought we were talking about things that didn't matter
←Rate | 12-16-2009 08:08 by Giiqii Comments (0)  

   messageicon this status has been blocked by your manditory internet censorship filter for your own good.
←Rate | 12-16-2009 07:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon is upset that facebook won't let him start a relationship with himself
←Rate | 12-15-2009 23:46 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man is it cold outside...just want to give a shout out to whoever invented the padded bra...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
←Rate | 12-15-2009 23:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just me a fist for punching.
←Rate | 12-15-2009 23:27 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon not only is band not a sport, it's just stupid. honestly. I want to watch football not freaks dressed up in some of the gayest costumes ever prance around the field
←Rate | 12-15-2009 23:18 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon Better to be bad and remembered than be good and forgot
←Rate | 12-15-2009 23:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress but when they're held for pleasure, their the balls that I like the best
←Rate | 12-15-2009 20:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
←Rate | 12-15-2009 19:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon on an important conference call. I guess I should be listening but my farms need tending dammit!
←Rate | 12-15-2009 18:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys!
←Rate | 12-15-2009 17:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon contemplating doing a combination of christmas and easter, wrap the gifts, then hide them all over the house, voila...Christer!!!
←Rate | 12-15-2009 17:40 by ANGELA Comments (0)  

   messageicon thankful for my mistakes for they have been my greatest teachers.
←Rate | 12-15-2009 17:31 by Igor Comments (0)  

   messageicon apologizes for sounding insensitive, but that "Christmas Shoes" song just plain sucks.
←Rate | 12-15-2009 17:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon school and life are similar in a way. In school, you learn a lesson and then take a test. In life, you come across a test that teaches you a lesson.
←Rate | 12-15-2009 16:52 by J Dubb Comments (0)  

   messageicon may not be suitable for young adults
←Rate | 12-15-2009 16:50 by J Dubb Comments (0)  

   messageicon DID YOU KNOW......The tallest mountain on earth is under the ocean: Mauna Kea in Hawaii is 10,200 metres (33,465 ft) high. Mount Everest is 8,848 metres (29,029 ft) high.
←Rate | 12-15-2009 16:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon DID YOU KNOW........Summer on Uranus lasts for 21 years - but so does winter.
←Rate | 12-15-2009 14:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon stopped by a man in the street who asked... "Excuse me... can you tell me the quickest way to get to the hospital" I replied..... "Yeah..... just call me a name"
←Rate | 12-15-2009 14:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well I just bought another load of laundry and a few things to dust for Christmas... I hope my family and friends enjoy a little extra work... You're welcome...That's just how I roll...
←Rate | 12-15-2009 14:03 Comments (0)  

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