Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Does eating Tide Pods take skid marks out of underwear? Asking for a friend...
←Rate | 01-19-2018 19:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are more than 7 billion people on the planet. Can we finally stop calling it the miracle of birth?
←Rate | 01-19-2018 19:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon Unless he releases a men’s fragrance, I think Elon Musk should be ordered to legally change his name.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 21:41 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon All houses made out of wood are tree houses.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 23:52 by JCGJ Comments (0)  

   messageicon A gambling addiction can cost you your marriage or win you a divorce
←Rate | 01-20-2018 00:19 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon You people can keep blaming your weight or tight fitting clothes on the holidays if you want, but I am not going to lie to myself, most of you were Fat in December too
←Rate | 01-20-2018 04:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When a Woman tells you "you're so cute" instead of "You're Hot," it means you are Not all that and you can just get entry to Friend zone
←Rate | 01-20-2018 04:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a woman is crying and you don't understand why - congratulations! you're a Man now
←Rate | 01-20-2018 04:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My ex told me to get some of those tablets that should help me get an erection.........should have seen her face when I tossed her the slimming pills
←Rate | 01-20-2018 04:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Milestone Alert: This is my 100th Post From a toilet....I'd like to thank the fine people from KFC for making this post possible!
←Rate | 01-20-2018 04:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon does eating tide pods take skid marks out of underwear...Asking for a friend
←Rate | 01-20-2018 07:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm drinking a Diet Coke because I ate a whole box of Pop Tarts for breakfast. I'm hoping this will neutralize it.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 08:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gov't shutdown? Yippee! I'm collecting rainwater for my garden before they reopen and fine me!!
←Rate | 01-20-2018 09:53 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone gave me a million dollars to lose weight for one of those weight loss programs I would too
←Rate | 01-20-2018 12:39 by Smeebert Comments (1)  

   messageicon If undercover boss came to my work I'd play stupid and give them the biggest sob story too and bank
←Rate | 01-20-2018 12:59 Comments (2)  

   messageicon Burned almost a thousand calories with the treadmill today. Moved it into the basement, that sucker is heavy!
←Rate | 01-20-2018 14:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are all these women protesting, shouldn't they be at home cooking?
←Rate | 01-20-2018 16:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Society is going to judge you anyway, so do what makes you happy.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 17:20 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon The longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate it when you get it.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 17:32 by Justathought Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m really confused as to why Kim & Kanye named their newborn “Chicago West” when Kanye is from the South Side of Chicago.
←Rate | 01-20-2018 19:48 Comments (0)  

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