Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon going to McDonald's for a salad like going to a brothel for a hug....
←Rate | 02-17-2010 19:22 by Y.P Comments (0)  

   messageicon Regardless of what my mom says, I'm pretty sure I would win a fight against a paper bag.
←Rate | 02-17-2010 19:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon when your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.
←Rate | 02-17-2010 18:36 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies, if you have to stand in front of us picking you underware out of your butt you might want to consider jeans that aren't so tight they require us to watch that type of nastiness...
←Rate | 02-17-2010 17:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The people at MapQuest must think everyone is an idiot. Is it really necessary to start the directions with how to get out of your own driveway?
←Rate | 02-17-2010 16:08 by bigedusw Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only mystery Scooby Doo will never solve.
←Rate | 02-17-2010 15:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men Play The Game, Women Know The Score.
←Rate | 02-17-2010 13:21 by @Bigmoney901 Comments (0)  

   messageicon He who runs behind truck is exhausted, he who runs in front of truck is tired.
←Rate | 02-17-2010 13:01 by @BigMoney901 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I find the key for success someone goes and change all the locks
←Rate | 02-17-2010 12:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
←Rate | 02-17-2010 12:42 by @BigMoney901 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─ This drug is effective for cases of chronic boredom. Warning can be habit forming and lead to addiction!!!
←Rate | 02-17-2010 12:36 by gwhillguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was just told that it takes three sheep to make one sweater. Wow. Thats shocking. I didnt know sheep could knit.
←Rate | 02-17-2010 12:33 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon feels like a hamster in his wheel - going nowhere fast!
←Rate | 02-17-2010 11:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon not all men are fools, some are bachelors
←Rate | 02-17-2010 09:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to know what do you give a sick florist?
←Rate | 02-17-2010 08:55 by tntease Comments (0)  

   messageicon his girlfriend has a black belt in cooking.... one chop and your dead
←Rate | 02-17-2010 08:53 by goose Comments (0)  

   messageicon the first step to failing is trying
←Rate | 02-17-2010 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was asked if i'd volunteer for Comic Relief at work. All i'd have to do is wear funny clothes,answer the phone,write a few notes,chat and joke with others and eat junk food. Of course I said "Yes". Who wouldnt want to be like their boss for just one day
←Rate | 02-17-2010 06:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (4)  

   messageicon somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine
←Rate | 02-17-2010 04:25 by Chester Bello Comments (0)  

   messageicon the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about
←Rate | 02-17-2010 04:24 by Chester Bello Comments (0)  

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