Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 02:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon dyslexics UNTIE!
←Rate | 01-26-2010 02:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite character on Spongebob Squarepants in the guys that yells "MY LEG!"
←Rate | 01-26-2010 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 23:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:48 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I havn't seen it rain this hard since Tim Tebow lost to Alabama...
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:36 by PuddleDuck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when you hang out with MC Hammer, and he never lets you touch anything
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Multiply that by infinity & take it 2 the depths of forever & then you will have some vague idea what I'm talkin about...
←Rate | 01-25-2010 21:57 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
←Rate | 01-25-2010 21:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinking about moving to Haiti, so I can get a free ride to the U.S, housed, clothed, $450. food stamp per month, and get government money along with job.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 21:31 by Mike Johnson Comments (0)  

   messageicon in a relationship ♥ with Samuel Adams
←Rate | 01-25-2010 20:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some of my best relationships now are with people who I dont have relationships with anymore.....
←Rate | 01-25-2010 18:41 by ds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oops! Something went wrong. We don't give two sh!ts if you waste the next hour trying to understand why you can't post anything You may be able to try again, whatever!
←Rate | 01-25-2010 17:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
←Rate | 01-25-2010 16:37 by Michael Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Taiwan, marine biologists have discovered a crab that they say looks just like a strawberry, and by "marine biologists," I mean two guys on mushrooms.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 16:27 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new doctor is a very attractive busty blonde.....I have now given up eating apples !!!!
←Rate | 01-25-2010 16:25 by Y.P Comments (0)  

   messageicon These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn
←Rate | 01-25-2010 15:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon planning on driving to the south Florida for the Super Bowl. Let's just hope I don't "FUMBLE" my keys a few times before getting there.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 14:38 by Danmanz Comments (0)  

   messageicon too bad the minn didnt win...i wanted to see favre get a ring this year....but ok brett...go ahead and retire now for and come back b4 the start of next year...
←Rate | 01-25-2010 14:01 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

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