Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If Tylenol, Duct Tape & WD-40 can't fix've got serious problems !!!
←Rate | 03-11-2010 12:51 by TweegyBlink Comments (0)  

   messageicon sure now that after Mark Zuckerberg (founder of Facebook) was just announced as the youngest billionaire on Forbe's list, his mom doesn't tell him he's spending too much time on Facebook.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:44 by markf Comments (0)  

   messageicon The inventor of the "Bumpit" made millions selling that hair accessory to women. I'm going to invent the "F**kit" and market it to women for those bad hair days.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:42 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  

   messageicon over the years has realized that marriage is like a hand of poker, you start with a pair and end up with a full house...
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:31 by MarkAElliott Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard a guy at Starbucks talking loudly in his cell say, "I'm going to surprise her with a Jaguar." I'll only like him if he meant the cat..
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:30 by MarkAElliott Comments (0)  

   messageicon if guns kill people, then spoons make people overweight...
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:29 by MarkAElliott Comments (3)  

   messageicon wondering why there is a cork screw on a Swiss Army Knife. I can't remember the last time I encountered a wild bottle of Chianti in the wild..
←Rate | 03-11-2010 09:28 by MarkAElliott Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in awhile,nine out of ten people would have nothing to talk about.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 08:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon has been wondering... if you force sex on a hooker is it rape or shoplifting??
←Rate | 03-11-2010 07:52 by johnny5 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Hopefully Paris Hilton never becomes a vampire. Sure she loves the nightlife, but she'll go nuts not being able to see her refection every 10 minutes.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 07:33 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon doing an environmental studies course and needs ideas on how to save trees. Answers on a postcard please.
←Rate | 03-11-2010 06:55 by SuffolkSteve Comments (0)  

   messageicon The spark of a genius exists in the brain of the truly creative man from the hour of his birth. True genius is always inborn and never cultivated, let alone learned
←Rate | 03-11-2010 03:40 by Adolf Comments (1)  

   messageicon has had enough depressing news about death (i.e. Cory Haim). How about some good news? Like congratulating Ted Kennedy! He's 198 days sober today!
←Rate | 03-11-2010 02:27 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
←Rate | 03-11-2010 01:30 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Ok, so we're both illiterate. I can't spell love and you can't read it."
←Rate | 03-11-2010 01:28 by J.S. Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says~~ "Oh Crap, She's up!"
←Rate | 03-11-2010 00:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon they always say there are more fish in the sea, they seem to forget about the crabs
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:13 by trini Comments (0)  

   messageicon a really skilled person can flick a booger on the first try
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:08 by trini Comments (0)  

   messageicon S.H.I.T.: So Happy It's Thursday.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 22:04 by RandomGirlie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Protip: when wearing a waterbra, DO NOT lift a heavy box of sheet metal. You'll either end up with a hefty lefty or a mighty righty, not to mention a gigantic wet spot.
←Rate | 03-10-2010 21:02 Comments (0)  

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