Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a mussel.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wanted to learn how to make ice-cream, so I started attending sundae school.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon been trying to remember the name of that disease that causes baldness, but I can't think of it off the top of my head.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I met a man who fell into an upholstery machine. Fortunately, he's fully recovered now.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I came, I sawed, I yelled "Timber!"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon And in the stock market today, helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you don't pay your exorcist you'll get repossessed.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon on the 8th day god created beer to keep Canadians from taking over the world
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ATTENTION: Law Enforcement Officials need everyone's help!!! Police are searching for a thief who splashes gasoline on his victims and then robs them by threatening them with a lighted match. The Authorities want to catch him before he strikes again.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:15 Comments (1)  

   messageicon can see through your clothes. Mood: disappointed.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 20:12 by GirlX Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife comes home and says "What would you do if I won the lottery?" "I would take half and leave your ass!" "good I won 12$ here's 6$ now get the fu$k out!"
←Rate | 03-04-2010 19:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't piss on my boots and tell me it's raining
←Rate | 03-04-2010 19:11 by Brad Comments (0)  

   messageicon women dont fart until they get married
←Rate | 03-04-2010 18:44 by satixed Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The next part will be difficult. You will be taken. So, can I borrow your car for like 3 days?" (Liam Nuisance)
←Rate | 03-04-2010 17:20 by Dgray3 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage is the opportunity to inherit an additional dysfunctional family, just in case the one you have wasn't enough.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 17:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon muliple personality disorder and schizophrenia. No we don't.....WHO SAID THAT?!!!
←Rate | 03-04-2010 17:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would not say that I am living in the fastlane, but I am experiencing life at a high rate of WTF's per minute.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 16:03 by bigedusw Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are hundreds of languages throughout the world but a smile speaks them all! ◕‿◕
←Rate | 03-04-2010 14:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted... How's that working' out?
←Rate | 03-04-2010 14:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

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