Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Use Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on e-bay?? I put in a bid for a "Mickey Mouse outfit" and now it seems I am only 15 minutes away from owning the "Saints Football Team"....
←Rate | 02-06-2010 13:11 by gwhillguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because they are plugged into a genius.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 13:02 by MG Comments (0)  

   messageicon $14.97 cents of hotness. Which means that although my good looks cannot pay my bills they certainly can pay for a pizza which will give me $14.95 cents of temporary gratification and 2 cents to tell you off!
←Rate | 02-06-2010 12:25 by Jenna Comments (0)  

   messageicon How is getting a bj from a 75-year lady like bungee jumping? Whatever you do,don't look down!
←Rate | 02-06-2010 11:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ashley cole was arrested for speeding!! In his defence, he was told tht John Terry's car was parked outside his house!!!
←Rate | 02-06-2010 09:51 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 06:37 by MG Comments (0)  

   messageicon found the SPOT Tonites gonna b a good good nite...
←Rate | 02-06-2010 06:17 by @timesicomearly Comments (0)  

   messageicon googling for Honest Politicians but the search keeps coming as "0" search found.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 06:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh God! Please teach me to appreciate what I have, before time forces me to appreciate what I had
←Rate | 02-06-2010 05:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a Vagitarian. :-)
←Rate | 02-06-2010 04:10 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 03:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon now lets not exaggerate on how good, Dear john was...
←Rate | 02-06-2010 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon now I know I havnt really prayed alot but if you're out there save me, superman
←Rate | 02-06-2010 02:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon George Washington's brother, Larry, was the Uncle of Our Country."
←Rate | 02-06-2010 00:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering if everyone has an unique Fart Scent.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon here to remind you to help control the golfer population. Have your tiger spayed or neutered.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:54 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon good one Tim. Though, I think the original was better yesterday morning.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:37 by tomcal Comments (0)  

   messageicon just saw a Prius with that brake problem. It was barreling down the road at speeds exceeding 35 MPH.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:20 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks if Bear Grylls would have been in the garden of eden he would have eaten the snake instead of the apple!
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:09 by Plasticmortal Comments (0)  

   messageicon saw a middle-eastern friend shaking a carpet on 6th floor balcony. I called out "whats up ahmed, won't it start?"
←Rate | 02-05-2010 22:07 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

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