Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon reading this sign outside my office: "In case of fire, don't use elevators." Duh! Water works a lot better!
←Rate | 01-26-2010 09:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What a night...can't remember a thing...why is there waffle house syrup in the bed..the lingerie hanging from the chandelier is hot! but, umm, where are the girls? were there....any...girls here last night????
←Rate | 01-26-2010 09:02 by ds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let me just take care of all of this reposting I have to do at once? My life is wonderful, I hate cancer, I donated to Haiti, I support our troops, I love my Mom,I`m from Everett,Hugs and smiles to to you,I won`t join your farmville, I won`t be answering
←Rate | 01-26-2010 07:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 's Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright, they just seem a little weird. Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 07:34 by jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trying to quit smoking. By the way.. Apologies go out to the mormon missionary eating the junior mint..I tried to tell you..I don't do mormon but menthol is my brand...I hope your recovery goes quickly.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 04:30 by Taleah Comments (0)  

   messageicon looking for a leprechaun. I've already shook down all the midgets and short people I know. Guess it takes a real leprechaun to get to that pot of gold.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 04:26 by Taleah Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who in the heck thought it was a good idea to pull a foot off a rabbit and use it as a lucky charm? If it wasn't lucky for the rabbit why would it be lucky for me??
←Rate | 01-26-2010 04:25 by Taleah Comments (0)  

   messageicon The chinese have a serious translation problem. For instance, a translator would have been a good idea when they put "poo poo platters" on their menus....
←Rate | 01-26-2010 04:23 by Taleah Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you are over weight and have trouble going up stairs, put a biscuit on each step!!
←Rate | 01-26-2010 03:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who does everyone listen to and no one believe? The weatherman.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 02:18 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.
←Rate | 01-26-2010 02:16 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon dyslexics UNTIE!
←Rate | 01-26-2010 02:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My favorite character on Spongebob Squarepants in the guys that yells "MY LEG!"
←Rate | 01-26-2010 00:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 23:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:48 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I havn't seen it rain this hard since Tim Tebow lost to Alabama...
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:36 by PuddleDuck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when you hang out with MC Hammer, and he never lets you touch anything
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Multiply that by infinity & take it 2 the depths of forever & then you will have some vague idea what I'm talkin about...
←Rate | 01-25-2010 21:57 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
←Rate | 01-25-2010 21:43 Comments (0)  

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