Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Look down ur shirt and spell ATTIC.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:57 by The FRED Comments (0)  

   messageicon My safe word is blueberry pancakes. Whoops! this isn't MySpace.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:43 by The FRED Comments (0)  

   messageicon just realized that Twilight is about Bella's dilemma between bestiality and necrophilia.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks Oscar the Grouch should have upsized and moved into the dumpster accross sesame street.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the more successful you are the more they will envy you, so screw it, be the best of the best it's not like anyone can do anything about it
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon was gonna go on a date tonight but his Farmville eggplant were supposed to be ready so he had to cancel.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:12 by TechnoBoy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eyjafjallajokull is more like a baby typing on a computer than a volcano!
←Rate | 04-19-2010 23:06 by geez Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking about starting a group called "Just let me put the head in". Who wants to become a fan?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:52 by Comments (1)  

   messageicon I just ate so much ravioli I could sh*t an Italian. If it turns out to be Snooki, you all better thank me when I flush that crazy b*tch.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:11 by Joser Comments (1)  

   messageicon How can anybody call themselves a Life Coach when they haven't even played a whole game yet?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:10 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lifted the toilet lid to find poop in the bowl, either someone forgot to flush or this toilet is from 5 seconds in the future.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:07 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon it just me or does orange juice taste funny without vodka?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well there's only one way to find out how many of my coworkers secretly wish that I'd punch them...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:05 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just drank Gatorade.. still waiting to sweat colors...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:04 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I call it a Hamburger Salad, and I don't see how it's any of your business.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When they tell you not to mix chemicals they're f*cking serious. On a related note: high as f*ck and my house might explode...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:26 by Joser Comments (1)  

   messageicon My body is not my temple... It's more like a bar and grill...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:25 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like to refer to celebrity relationships with huge age differences like speeding tickets, Ex: Hef is currently doing 84 in a 20
←Rate | 04-19-2010 19:24 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was just asked to touch base with a female co-worker on a project. I hope it's 2nd base...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:50 by Joser Comments (0)  

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