Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon if you're a single 30 yr old male living alone in a 1 bedroom apartment, despite your past, you should go ahead & add your name to the sex offender registry for future reference.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 13:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon today is 4-20! I had to tell you... sit back .relax. and show some love :)
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:45 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder how many bongs I can collect before my mother figures out they're not vases?
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:37 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are there so many words coming out of you in such a short period of time?
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:37 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon gathering Volcanic Ash to throw at you
←Rate | 04-20-2010 12:15 by MetallicA Comments (0)  

   messageicon its been so long since i'v had sex, I have forgotten who ties up whom
←Rate | 04-20-2010 11:54 by rahul Comments (0)  

   messageicon I found out that if you have an annoying song stuck in your head that you want to forget, listen to Don't Stop Believing by Journey and it go away. REALLY!!
←Rate | 04-20-2010 11:35 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Happy National Weed Day!!! CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET A BONG???
←Rate | 04-20-2010 11:27 Comments (1)  

   messageicon thinks Larry King has used up 8 of his 9 wives....
←Rate | 04-20-2010 11:03 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 50 cents.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 11:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks it's funny when people say listen to the birds singing. The birds aren't singing, they are saying "I'm horny! Come screw me!!"
←Rate | 04-20-2010 10:29 by Cheryl Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy National Weed Day!!!
←Rate | 04-20-2010 10:28 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Whenever Uncle Eyjafjallajokull would say, "Kids! Pull my finger!" We were smart enough to ignore him. Is there a lesson here Iceland?
←Rate | 04-20-2010 10:18 by @TimSWeber Comments (0)  

   messageicon believes that his car is a futuristic robot asshole in disguise, designed to annoy me and drain me of every penny that it can...
←Rate | 04-20-2010 10:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Would you like to go down for a midnight snack?
←Rate | 04-20-2010 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off
←Rate | 04-20-2010 07:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Decided to make "eyjafjallaj√∂kull" my safe word.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 05:02 by @deswong77 Comments (0)  

   messageicon once my kid learned how to read I had to explain why all his Christmas presents said 'Made in China'
←Rate | 04-20-2010 04:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think chocolate is better than sex,you really need to find that special someone. If you have already met someone special and STILL believe it,i seriously need to know what kind of chocolate you're eating!
←Rate | 04-20-2010 04:00 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Skilled workers are hard to find. That's why idiots are promoted to management.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 03:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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