Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch
←Rate | 04-23-2010 23:55 by mhenry Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you lie to everyone else. You're only lying to yourself.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 22:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you read my mind you'll see I'm CRAZY FOR YOU ....
←Rate | 04-23-2010 20:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if there was any truth in advertising the new KFC Double Down would be called the Double Bypass
←Rate | 04-23-2010 19:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 19:30 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon If this soo called God dwells inside of us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 19:06 by Joser Comments (4)  

   messageicon Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 19:03 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon If crime doesn't pay... Does that mean my job is a crime?
←Rate | 04-23-2010 19:03 by Joser Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Wendy's, I so love your delicious, frozen treat called the Frosty. May I make a suggestion? Instead of a plastic straw, could you please substitute this with a bamboo straw? I'm tired of the plastic straws collapsing on me.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 17:52 by Leeferd Comments (0)  

   messageicon so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:51 by paulb808 Comments (0)  

   messageicon cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:39 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Do I look like a bag, a gadget or a perfume to you?" Stop tagging me if the photo doesn't have my face or my torso or my knee or my... you got what I'm saying
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:18 by Spanky Comments (0)  

   messageicon stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:09 by abel254 Comments (0)  

   messageicon needs 18 more Farmers Daughters.....but not in Farmville
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."
←Rate | 04-23-2010 15:32 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 15:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I couldn't reach my oil filter... so I took out the entire engine.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 15:23 by Aaron Comments (1)  

   messageicon Playboy made a mistake passing on Kate Gosselin as a centerfold. I believe America desires to see a uterus that could be used as a three car garage.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 15:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just heard Justin Bieber for the first time and she sounds like a very nice little girl so stop being mean to her!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 15:04 Comments (0)  

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