Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5644 of 5874

   messageicon I wish every relationship I was in had a money back guarantee or at least a 30 day free trial
←Rate | 02-07-2010 03:28 by Chester Bello Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook isn't better than sex, but sliced bread is in serious trouble
←Rate | 02-07-2010 02:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some stuff gets better with age, other stuff feels the effects of gravity.
←Rate | 02-07-2010 00:27 by Tim Comments (0)  

   messageicon fell asleep at the wheel while driving...started dreaming of the same road that I was on...except I was in a different car..thank god I was dreaming in real time.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 23:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon looking into the future. Everything looks good for me. But as for you, you're totally f***ed!
←Rate | 02-06-2010 23:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a vegetarian, not because he loves animals but because he hates plants!
←Rate | 02-06-2010 22:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember when wearing Hollister meant you have money, not wearing Hollister means you ran out of money
←Rate | 02-06-2010 21:58 by Chester Bello Comments (0)  

   messageicon starting to feel like she is just a character in some other planets Sims game, and the stairs for the swimming pool have been removed...HELP!
←Rate | 02-06-2010 20:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I came into a girls house, those stains never went away
←Rate | 02-06-2010 20:28 by Chester Bello Comments (0)  

   messageicon President Obama has invited a group of top Republicans to watch the Super Bowl with him at the White House. That should be a lot of fun. They're gonna need a two-thirds vote before they pass him the Doritos.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 19:26 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon me, a Super Bowl is one that's full of snacks that I don't have to share.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 17:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon So exactly how many "become a fan of" or "join a groups" that promises a free something does it take for people to finally figure out that they don't work? I mean good lord, gullible much?
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Always remember that the choices you make may have serious repercussions. The regret I may feel later from the hot wings I eat earlier is a perfect example.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon After getting out of bed and not seeing the shoe that one of my dogs left in hallway, I have come to the conclusion that gravity is a b!tch.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have decided that I am not overwieght, instead I am a nutritional overachiever.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think 3 left-handed monkeys, a shaved llama and pigeon with diarrhea could do a better job on designing the fb layout.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As I have gotten older a lot of my opinions have changed, but what hasn't changed is mine are the only ones that matter.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon searching on google for her lost sweater
←Rate | 02-06-2010 16:04 by sofia Comments (0)  

   messageicon PIMP Mode [On] - Off
←Rate | 02-06-2010 15:17 by Brandon Hall Comments (1)  

   messageicon the Super Bowl is on February 7, The pre game started on February 3.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 15:10 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left