Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:32 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:31 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:29 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 16:28 by Octane Comments (0)  

   messageicon wishes the world was her own personal globe, one good spin and "certain people" would fall off!!!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 15:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hopes that the "band" Owl-City are driving around in a recalled Toyota.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 15:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not a nag. I'm a motivational speaker.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 14:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinking she got sick from reading all those statuses of others being sick, next time please cover your statuses when you write...Thank you
←Rate | 02-02-2010 14:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon heard the Japanese have invented a camera with a shutter so fast that it can actually photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 14:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not good in relationships.My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 13:36 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon wished I could teach you.... but you cant teach "awesomeness," so just hang out in the back and watch me work!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 13:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't get married, find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It's a lot easier on you.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 12:26 by SLONEY Comments (0)  

   messageicon born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 12:20 by SLONEY Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like escalators because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You'll never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize that you can still...get up there.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 11:45 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon Joe Biden saw his shadow today. Looks like at least six more weeks of healthcare arguments and accusations.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 10:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks that earthquakes might get the wrong impression by us scoring them. Perhaps our invention of the Richter scale has insited them to try harder for a perfect 10!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 10:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I realized 3 VERY deep things today: 1) It's impossible to lick your elbow, 2) No matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, you can't feel it, and 3) You're actually going to try #1and #2!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 10:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 09:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon just got back from getting breakfast at Sonic. Had to park in the handicapped space cuz it was the only 1...............wait..............why is there a handicapped space at Sonic?!?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 09:22 by Tal Comments (0)  

   messageicon A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 05:30 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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