Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 5644 of 5810

   messageicon Why is my flashlight always a case for holding dead batteries....
←Rate | 01-01-2010 23:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Soviet Russia, status updates YOU!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 23:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1st day of 2010 and am thinking to my self 365 days of drinking to go, my liver is giving me a finger
←Rate | 01-01-2010 18:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wants to know who threw up in my sink last night? reveal yourself!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 17:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy New Year! Here's wishing my dyselxia better gets in 1020.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 16:41 by tomcall Comments (0)  

   messageicon thinks it's quite possible that I will be as unproductive today as I was yesterday.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 14:49 by hms Comments (0)  

   messageicon The confetti in times square, I bet that came from Edward Cullen farting.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 12:20 by joe fool Comments (0)  

   messageicon ate Oriental flavored Ramen for lunch today, and it tasted nothing like an Asian
←Rate | 01-01-2010 12:08 by Fel Comments (0)  

   messageicon My New Year's Resolution is to not use facebook unless I'm going to update my status, make comments or read other people's stuff. So far I'm doing really good!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 12:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My resolution -- Is to finally beat my == Haiku addiction.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 11:15 by Fel Comments (0)  

   messageicon going to need a whole lot of money to buy those New Years Resolutions.
←Rate | 01-01-2010 10:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A man's New Year's resolution of no sex, no beer,no football,no nights out with the guys and no porn started today. He just got married..
←Rate | 01-01-2010 08:33 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness, 52 Weeks of Fun, 365 Days of Success, 8,760 Hours of Good Health, 525,600 Minutes of Gods Favor, and 31,536,000 Seconds of Joy!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 03:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 03:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I remember 2009 just like it was yesterday...
←Rate | 12-31-2009 23:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most of you are gonna stay up til midnight to see the new year in.....I'm gonna stay up to make sure 2009 leaves.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 22:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon stronger than a bear, wiser than a fox, endowed like a stallion.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 21:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.-James Agate
←Rate | 12-31-2009 20:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 20:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.
←Rate | 12-31-2009 20:22 by tink Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left