Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon _̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡
←Rate | 11-10-2009 17:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that Volvic Mineral Water, which has been filtered through volcanic rock for millions of years, has a Best Before date?
←Rate | 11-10-2009 16:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think;"ill just squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out of it!"
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon had a handle on life, but it fell off with the wheel
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:36 by Charleigh Comments (0)  

   messageicon can hit the snooze button, with eyes closed, while half asleep, in 1.7 seconds, the first try, every time
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon in the jungle baby! and gunna dieee!
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon can't help falling in love with you... maybe electroshock therapy will do the trick...
←Rate | 11-10-2009 15:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon loves that you are nonodys friend until facebook tell you that you are.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 13:58 by carebare Comments (0)  

   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Barack Obama knocked down by reversing car. The American people are asking the driver to come forward.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:55 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have two nipples, and I aint sharing either one of 'em.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A survey taken showed that 50% of people described sex as a "deep,meaningful,soul-bonding act of showing eternal love to your partner". The other 50% were men.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..really hates her boss. When I showed up 2 hours late,he shouted at me. I told him I had fallen down the stairs . He said "So? That doesn't take two hours!!"
←Rate | 11-10-2009 12:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon in Napa Valley looking for wine, but should be in the midwest, talking to Repubicans cause no one whines line a Repubilcan.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 11:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't hit you....I simply high fived your face
←Rate | 11-10-2009 11:31 by Zig and Zag Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering why the police officers never seem to think it's as funny as you do...
←Rate | 11-10-2009 10:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "having a smoking section in a restaurant should b like having a peeing section in a swimming pool......." right??
←Rate | 11-10-2009 09:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wore a Michael Vick jersey to the dogpark. Yea, I'm a badass. What.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 08:59 by Joseph Comments (0)  

   messageicon I drank so much vodka last night that my liver is giving me the finger!
←Rate | 11-10-2009 08:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wondering...Do you think stores would open another resister if I brought a flame thrower in with me? I f****n hate to wait!!!!
←Rate | 11-10-2009 07:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't wait for the perfect moment...Take the moment and make it perfect...
←Rate | 11-10-2009 04:47 by Khola Comments (0)  

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