Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 5641 of 5775

   messageicon singing and dancing around her room in her undies.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 23:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 22:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon can ride a bike with no handlebars
←Rate | 12-05-2009 21:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can never plan the future by the past.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 21:17 by zee Comments (0)  


   messageicon wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 20:58 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon has just realized there's a website that you can search for all the sex offenders that live within 50 km of your postal code, check it out!! www.plentyoffish.com
←Rate | 12-05-2009 18:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon swears I would loose my head if it wasn't attached to my body!
←Rate | 12-05-2009 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 15:29 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police in Texas seized thousands of ecstasy tablets with pictures of Obama's face on them. Drug dealers chose Obama because the pills make you feel hope and change and then send you off to a faraway place.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 13:54 by tomcall Comments (0)  


   messageicon two fish, named one, one and the other two.. so if one dies I will still have two. =)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't think both of the Dr.'s hands belong on my shoulders during the prostate exam.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 12:09 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon she is a "case worker". You'd need to drink a case before you work her.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 11:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon stealing mannequin legs -- the make great stocking stuffers.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 11:16 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon that if an old, fat man comes down you chimney tonight, creeps into your bedroom and kidnaps you don't worry! I asked santa for a friend for christmas and he is just getting me one :)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 10:59 by becca :) Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't believe "meat curtain" is an appropriate reference for a woaman's parts. But he has to admit, an Arby's "Big Montana" bears a striking resembelance.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:51 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon liking ones own status is a sign of self esteem. (X likes this)
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:46 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger Woods went from being "married" to "it's complicated."
←Rate | 12-05-2009 09:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to have super powers, but my psychiatrist took them away
←Rate | 12-05-2009 06:35 by Doug Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love cooking with wine. Sometimes,i'll even put it in my food.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 05:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just paid $200 to join the National Believers in Reincarnation Club. It cost alot but oh well,you only live once.
←Rate | 12-05-2009 04:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left