Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I am cornhoolio, I make peepee from my bunghole
←Rate | 02-02-2010 22:53 by Xtravagent Comments (0)  

   messageicon bubblewrap under his bedsheets, so during the "Heat of Passion" it sounds like FIREWORKS going off!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 22:51 by Tommy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most folks are carbon copies of their indoctrination, education, organized religion and politically correct propaganda. Some of us "Independent Thinkers" walk our own unique path of discovery, simultaneously emanating a vibration to source and truth.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 22:18 by potts Comments (0)  

   messageicon your just pissed because its NOT ILLEGAL TO BE WHITE...YET
←Rate | 02-02-2010 22:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call an Ethiopian with a feather up his ass? A dart.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 22:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you get when you cross a retard with a gang banger? Someone who spray paints on a chain link fence.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In a recent survey into blow jobs, and why men like them so much 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the peace and quiet.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:36 by Pineapple Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Constipated People Don't Give A crap
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What I learned from the Grammys: Lady Gaga STILL terrifies me, Beyonce apparently has seizures while performing, p!nk looked like a slutty nun who wet herself, Taylor Swift has some VERY adult teeth in her teen-aged mouth, & Lil Wayne was lookin like a fo
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:29 by kehlek Comments (0)  

   messageicon 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:29 Comments (0)  

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