Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I will play fair when I get to make up the rules.

   I don't need to walk a mile in your shoes. I can see you're a train wreck from all the way over here.

   Facebook: Where people go to re-experience their childhood rejection & acceptance issues all over again.

   If you want something you never had, then you've got to do something you've never done.

   If anyone has trouble finding the key to my heart, I keep an extra set under the stones in my kidney.

   Don't you hate it when you're out with MC Hammer and he won't let you touch anything?

   According to the anti-piracy ads "Copying DVDs is stealing" By that logic, taking a photo is kidnapping.

   2 words have opened alot of doors for me....Push and Pull....

   purposely walked thru and disrupted a wedding so that I could then whip out mentos and pop one in my mouth and smile and make things all good again

   why don't they just make a James Bond Television Series? Because if you think about it, there's already enough movies to make one season."

   I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog's not housetrained.

   Anger is one letter short of danger.

   Honoring those that forgot all the rules inflicted on you as a child. Those that forgot how to spank a kid's ass when they misbehave. Those that shamelessly spoil your kid, hype them up on sugar and then send them home. ♥ Happy Grandparent's Day <3

   at Ground Zero instead of a mosque they should construct a couple of tall buildings for global trade and commerce. They should be called something like the World Trade Center

   Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

   streaming Netflix's through a Blackberry tandem modem. Please don't call. The good part is coming up!!

   I remember September 11th like it was yesterday.

   Why are they calling the music I grew up on "Classic Rock"? I'm not that old...am I?

   Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

   Confucious says Some Sex Is Good...More Is Better...Too Much Is Just About Right