Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hope that guy that "wants to be a billionaire" makes $999,999,999.99 and then gets hit by a bus.

   I always feel uneasy when Friday the 13th falls on a Monday.

   When people text or typ "ROTFLMFAO" do you really think they are rolling of the floor laughing? If so how are they typing that status?

   it just me or would anyone else really like a hurricane named after them? Earl? Igor? Yuck!

   Eating Breakfast, drinking coffee, catching up on Facebook and listening to music. It's impressive to be this busy and still get nothing done.

   I just skimmed through 50cent tweet page. I can't believe the guy's only been shot nine times.

   So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn't even have to happen at all.

   Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never knew you had. Like when the vending machine gives you 2 soda's

   I'm not quite ready to declare this the 2,847th best day of my life, but it's certainly trending that way.

   When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?

   Rose tint my world keep me safe from my trouble and pain....

   Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

   Twilight: The story of a young girls struggle between necrophilia and beastiality.

   Cancel my subscription....I am done with your issues!

   Those who say you only fall in love once must not have a FB, cause I see ALOT of PPL falling in love like every other week with a new person!! .. and if this offends you, maybe you need to take a look at your situation.

   Facebook the number one rumor starter

   it wrong to laugh at the flaming gay guys getting attacked by bees? What? It's funny!

   I joined the Tourettes society today. It only took a minute to be sworn in.

   Want to program my GPS to say "Right turn Clyde" whenever the right turn now arrow appears.

   by now, even Ed Hardy thinks that shirt makes you look like a douche.