Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5575 of 6369
Teach your children about rejection by getting them a cat
←Rate |
11-29-2017 13:30
Comments (1)
I am fully prepared to replace Donald Trump with the guy who says dilly dilly in the beer commercials
←Rate |
11-29-2017 13:33
Comments (1)
I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.
commercial: get one diamond for your best friend, and one for your true love me: why would my dog want a diamond
←Rate |
11-29-2017 13:38
Comments (1)
You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme
Dog food is just regular food that you dropped on the floor
←Rate |
11-29-2017 13:40
Comments (0)
Supporters cheer Roy Moore as he runs naked through a mall, his genitals concealed by various amusingly phallic objects
←Rate |
11-29-2017 13:40
Comments (0)
If you try to show me your family vacation photos I swear I'm going to report you to HR.
I need Google street view in real-time for better stalking...Sorry I mean bird watching.
This quilt would get done a lot faster if the guy behind me would stop beeping his horn
←Rate |
11-29-2017 13:58
Comments (0)
As long as you yell "DODGEBALL" you're allowed to throw anything at anyone at anytime.
←Rate |
11-29-2017 14:00
Comments (0)
Many women don't know this, but an ugly guy asking you out ISN'T considered sexual harassment. Just saying...
←Rate |
11-29-2017 14:01
Comments (0)
You seem like the kind of person who pickles things in their free time.
←Rate |
11-29-2017 14:01
Comments (0)
I wonder if Charles Manson ever got ashes on Ash Wednesday to cover up that swastika.
←Rate |
11-29-2017 14:29
Comments (0)
I just got flipped-off from a guy in a Smart Car, he almost tipped over his car
←Rate |
11-29-2017 15:57
Comments (0)
This is the greatest prank Ellen Degeneres has ever played on Matt Lauer
←Rate |
11-29-2017 18:45
Comments (0)
Man kneeling by the bed, Wife says,"What are you praying for? " Husband says: "Guidance. " Wife says, "Pray for stiffness, I'll guide the damn thing myself!"
←Rate |
11-30-2017 04:01
Comments (0)
I've learnt one very interesting thing about money......It doesn't buy "CLASS" no matter how many millions of it you have got
←Rate |
11-30-2017 04:02
Comments (0)
Today's relationships, you can touch each other but not each others phones
←Rate |
11-30-2017 04:02
Comments (0)
Teacher said taking responsibility is key to being an adult and she asked what’s wrong today and who do we blame?
Student (7th grade) - I blame all of us for Nov 8th, 2016.
Sums it up right!
←Rate |
11-30-2017 08:37 by Harry
Comments (5)